The Consequences of Fulfilling a Purpose

Content Note: This entry discusses kidnapping, rape, and forced birth.

"And even if they bear themselves weary, or ultimately bear themselves out that does not hurt. Let them bear themselves out. This is the purpose for which they exist."  - Martin Luther, "The Estate of Marriage" (1522)

Perhaps one of the most sexist notions about women is that they are put on earth to fulfill one purpose and one purpose alone: to propagate the human species, even if it means their death.  As you can see from the above quote, this isn't a recent idea and it's one that's been ingrained into our society for centuries.  It  may be 2014, but my childless female friends often complain about others telling them it's their "duty" to have children and that they're somehow obligated to one day become mothers, or that at some point they'll change their minds or wake up one day in their post-menopausal years and suddenly regret never having known the joy of motherhood.  For my own part I've had perfect strangers chide me for not having enough children and choosing only to keep it at one child (sometimes they swallow their foot when they learn I am an only child myself, other times they're aghast that I'd subject my son to the same supposed lonely existence).

I think this is why I was so disappointed yesterday morning when I checked Twitter and learned that current lore states the dragonflights of Azeroth are now sterile.

The line "fulfilled their function" in particular stood out to me, especially when you consider how often various dragons have suffered forced captivity and breeding in the past.  Alexstrasza, Kirygosa, Nyxondra, and Tyranastrasz (an older male dragon who died from over-breeding while in captivity with Alexstrasza) are a few examples of dragons enslaved and either forced or threatened with forced breeding.  As late as Cataclysm the Dragonmaw orc clan was enslaving dragons to use as mounts, and in the Twilight Highlands quest line you help free the red dragon Lirastrasza who is captured by the Twilight's Hammer cult during the arc.  Crueler still is that Alexstrasza lost a second consort and an entire clutch of eggs prior to Dragon Soul only to then have to instruct Azeroth's champions to kill her remaining young who had been corrupted by the Twilight's Hammer (the drakes before Ultraxion).  In short, the dragons' fertility being used against them as a means of subjugation and inflicting emotional pain is nothing new, but now it's taken on another disturbing trait as their fertility was somehow tied to their "usefulness" to Azeroth.

Lore-wise the Aspects of the various dragonflights (with Thrall standing in as the Earthwarder's understudy) sacrificed their powers to aid the players in Dragon Soul in the final battle with Deathwing.  In addition to losing their Titan-gifted powers, they were no longer immortal and subject to die of old age like the other mortal races of Azeroth.  Now we learn that as reward for performing the Titan's task of stopping the Hour of Twilight the dragons have been rendered sterile and face extinction.  It's sort of a macabre planned obsolescence on the Titans' part and an added smack in the face when weighed against all the good the dragonflights have done throughout Azeroth's long existence.

Let's ignore for the moment that the dragons were around before the Titans and a natural part of Azeroth so taking away their ability to reproduce makes little sense.  Tying the usefulness of an entire species' to their fertility is, to me, sexist at its core.  Granted it's not only the female dragons affected by this sudden sterility (at least, I hope not), but as I pointed out reproduction has historically been viewed as a woman's obligation and sole purpose for existence while  men were created to be the builders and leaders of society.  Add to it Blizzard's history of either disappearing mother's altogether or killing off female characters after they've served a purpose for a story arc, it seems we're yet again stuck in the same old problematic tropes, only this time it's the entire race of dragons.

Kirygosa & the Twilight Father

As was pointed out by a couple of people on Twitter, it seems as though we're supposed to gloss over all the rape, forced breeding, and now sterility because these are fictional creatures so it's OK.  The problem is that while Azeroth's dragons aren't real, living beings, they have been created in such a way that we're meant to empathize with them and identify them as sapient, sentient creatures who experience the same range of emotions we do.  They fall in love and mourn when loved ones die, and we're meant to fall in love or to grieve alongside them.  Also, to only focus on the fictional aspect ignores that this fiction was created by people who live in our reality and have ideas and beliefs shaped by our shared culture, a culture and society in which forced birth or sterility is not as fictional as we'd like to believe.  This isn't to say the writers shouldn't or can't tell us stories with these horrific themes.  Writers have always used troubling scenarios in their works to open up desperately needed discussions about the horrors of real life, or to draw attention to the plight of marginalized groups.  The trouble comes when these scenarios are used as little more than a lazy shortcut to illustrate that the bad guy du jour is evil and needs to be stopped, which is often the way we see rape and rape trauma portrayed in various media and in turn normalizes rape and makes it out to be "not a big deal."

What's always bothered me is that we're witness to these awful events and never see any resolution as far as the victims' traumas.  Once the bad guy is defeated--or sometimes as soon as the victim is freed without necessarily defeating him, there's never any fall out.  The individual evil inflicted upon the victims is never mentioned again, and the next time someone is kidnapped and abused, it's treated as unique and only talked about in context of that victim with no acknowledgement that this has happened before.  Repeatedly.  If the intent was to draw attention to a very real horror of human life, it falls flat by only acknowledging it in the moment and showing no consequence in the aftermath.  Even the dragon's sterility is revealed by a simple, throwaway line in Dawn of the Aspects as if it's no big deal never mind that it's the extinction of an entire species.

And it's all because thousands of years ago the Titans predetermined when the dragons would have served the purpose they needed them for and, thus, no longer needed to exist, which, again, seems to completely elide the fact the dragons were part of Azeroth before the Titans' arrival.

There's quite a lot to unpack here, and I fear I've only gone so far as to open this particular box of "What the fuck, Blizzard?"  However, I do want to touch on one other aspect (pardon the pun) of this revelation: What's our motivation to help the dragonflights now?  What's the point in trying to save a species doomed to extinction?  Naturally, if saving a dragon means helping Azeroth avoid some horrible fate there's suitable motivation, but what happens beyond that?  For the more cynical among us, it might be a matter of watching them die relatively fast now versus languishing for however long they have left now that their immortality is
gone.

From Wowpedia

Conversely, why would the dragonflights help Azeroth now?  They did as the Titans bade them, guarded the various Aspects of the world, and in return they get to die out.  Might some of them be angry about this and lash out at the mortal races they aided?  Might this be the future that Nozdormu saw which drove him to madness and led to his alter-ego Murzond and the Infinite Dragonflight?  After all, what sort of life is it knowing there will be no more of your people after you're gone?

Rendering the dragons sterile seems a bizarre move on the part of the developers.  Aside from the many questions concerning the logic behind the Titans' intention for this decision, there's also the very real question of why do this to a species that's already suffered so much torment and pain.  What purpose did all of it serve if, in the end, they're going to be forced into extinction?

Rheastrasza and Sacrifice

Content Note: This post discusses imprisonment, forced impregnation, and forced experimentation. 

This past weekend I had the honor and privilege of being a guest on Apple Cider Mage and Tzufit's podcast Justice Points, a show that takes a look at social justice and feminist issues inside World of Warcraft.  Our episode tackled the subject of mothers and motherhood in Azeroth with topics ranging from how motherhood is portrayed to the conspicuous absence of mothers in game and lore in general.  I had an absolute blast and am rather pleased with how the episode turned out, but there was one character I wanted to touch on who we simply didn't have time to cover.  However, instead of looking at her in terms of motherhood and mothers in Azeroth, this post will center around questions of ethics, consent, and what is meant by sacrifice.

Rhea

While questing through Badlands in either faction, you come across a Cataclysm era quest arc involving a goblin named Rhea.  At first she seems like any other goblin: passionate about her research and eager to uncover the secrets of the black dragonflight's procreation and source of their old god corruption.  She asks for the player's help in the task of stealing wild black dragon eggs and whelpling corpses.  In the larger picture of in-game quests, her request is par for the course.  Go kill stuff and bring back its body part/corpse/poo, or go here and steal some object from the enemy.  However, if we look at the quest on its own merits, it quickly turns macabre in that you're stealing what are essentially infants and killing toddlers to collect their bodies for a third party to experiment on.  Then, once you turn in the corpses Rhea hints at the fact she is no ordinary goblin, but doesn't yet reveal her true identity.  She removes the magical veil concealing the presence of Nyondra, a black dragon mother and we enter a whole new level of horror.

Nyxondra is being held against her will. She is hidden from her brood, right in the middle of their breeding grounds. She lays eggs, but they will be taken away before she can see them hatch.

Cruel? Perhaps... but not nearly as cruel as the treatment that their dragonflight showed my mistress.

Show me that I can trust you, <name>. Take Nyxondra's eggs, and bring them here. You will need to beat Nyxondra into submission before you can take them.

Rhea's mistress is, you will later learn, Alexstrasza the head of the red dragonflight and (now former) Aspect of Life on Azeroth.   That Alexstrasza would order another dragon held captive against her will and allow her eggs to be stolen, experimented upon, and ultimately destroyed in the process is particularly disturbing considering Alexstrasza's own history of forced captivity and breeding during the Second War.  In case it's not enough that you're asked to be complicit in the imprisonment and experimentation of Nyondra, Rhea specifically tells you that in order to earn her trust you must beat Nyxondra into submission and steal her eggs.  The reason for this cruelty and horror is revealed after you hand over the three eggs you literally beat Nyxondra into giving you when Rhea turns into the red dragon Rheastrasza and finally explains the purpose of her experiments.

Rhea says: Deathwing's madness overcomes him, and we, the red dragonflight, must take this opportunity to steal his black dragons from beneath him. We will remake the black dragons as they are intended to be: the warders of the earth.

If you're not familiar with the lore, once upon a time Deathwing was Neltharion the Earth-Warder, Aspect of the black dragonflight.  Many thousands of years ago, Nelthraion was driven mad by an old god and turned against the other dragonflights during the War of the Ancients.  Neltharion became Deathwing and was eventually imprisoned within Azeroth, but not before his madness spread to the other members of the black dragonflight.   After his escape caused the Cataclysm, it appears Alexstrasza asked Rheastrasza to find a means of cleansing the black dragonflight of their corruption by any means necessary.

Alexstrasza's and, by extension, Rheastrasza's motivations are clearly good.  They wish to purify the black dragonflight and restore the order to the dragonflights taken away by an old god's corruption.  After all, even before Deathwing nearly destroyed Azeroth and upset the balance of the elements, other black dragons like his daughter Onyxia had proven dangerous to the world.  There was no guarantee that even with Deathwing's death that the black dragonflight would cease to pose a threat.  However, the question of the ends justifying the means and whether or not sinking to the same tactics of your enemy makes you any better must be asked.  Furthermore, how do we trust this isn't partly revenge or that Alexstrasza wouldn't go so far again under less dire circumstances?  Given that we must bloody our hands to even be entrusted with this knowledge, what other horrors might the red dragonflight--the ones we're told are the good guys--be involved in that we don't know about?  Finally, whose to say that even free from madness the black dragonflight themselves will view this cruelty as necessary and not a betrayal?

With the aid of Titan technology, you manage to clear away old god corruption from one of Nyxondra's eggs.  More questing that requires the deaths of other black dragons follow under the guise of protecting the eggs Rheastrasza has stolen until finally she asks you to kill Nyxondra.

My greatest regret is the treatment that we - no, I - gave to Nyxondra. I forced her to lay eggs, then I performed experiments on them. Over, and over, and over again.

Even as a mother myself, I can only imagine her sorrow.

No... I mustn't be weak. Our work is, after all, for the benefit of future generations of black dragons. Her sacrifice was necessary.

She circles the Ruins of Kargath, northwest of New Kargath, insane with fury. Please, heroes... put her out of her misery.

The line "Her sacrifice was necessary," is curious.  It is, of course, open to interpretation, but to say someone has made a sacrifice implies a choice was made on the part of the one doing the sacrifice.  Nyxondra, as was already established, was imprisoned and experimented upon against her will.  She never consented to have her body used and her children and killed "over, and over, and over again."  Nyxondra's "sacrifice" was chosen for her by Rheastrasza (and also Alexstrasza), and already supposedly insane due to old god corruption, Rheastrasza's experiments have driven her further into insanity and requires she be euthanized like a sick animal.  Given that Nyxondra doesn't simply lie down and accept her fate, we can surmise she doesn't wish to die and the decision to end her life comes from Rheastrasza.

As I said it's open to interpretation and it could be argued that Rheastrasza meant Nyxondra herself was the sacrifice made for the greater good of the black dragonflight (and Azeroth as a whole).  Either way Nyxondra is still a victim stripped of her consent and bodily autonomy, much like Alexstrasza was in the Second War.  We don't know how many children Nyxondra lost only that, like Alexstrasza, it was many.

So, if Nyxondra didn't make necessary sacrifices, who did?

In the end, it's Rheastrasza who makes conscious sacrifices fully informed of the consequences.  First, her ethics and moral high ground are sacrificed when she imprisons a dragon against her will and then kills many, many children in the name of ultimately curing an entire flight.  Lastly, she sacrifices her life and one of her own eggs to protect Nyxondra's purified egg (which unbeknownst to the player and to Deathwing has been moved to a safer location outside of the Badlands).

It's not clear whether or not Rheastrasza knew she would die.  She certainly knew it was a possibility and the letter she leaves for the player makes it clear she accepted this risk unlike her captive.  Yet, I'm left to wonder if she accepted death not out of a noble sacrifice, but because she felt it might make erase the evil of her actions.  Also, with her death dies the knowledge this cruel experiment existed apart from Alexstrasza and that of the players and the gnome scientist Dr. Hieronymus Blam.  If I were to propose a more sinister theory, perhaps Alexstrasza wanted her to die to help keep the experiments a secret.  We don't know if it was common knowledge among the red dragonflight or other dragonflights.  Certainly all of them would agree ridding the black dragons of their madness is a worthy goal, but I can't imagine Ysera or Kalecgos going along with Nyxondra's torture and then death.  The player, of course, knows as does Dr. Hieronymus Blam, but by forcing us to bloody our hands so severely before explaining the plan to us might have been a bid to buy our silence as well.  If we're to believe ourselves heroes at the end of the day, we'll ultimately have to believe every terrible act we do in the midst of war/potential apocalypse was for the best.

Was it worth it?

Rheastrasza isn't around to know whether or not her and Alexstrasza's plan worked.  The egg Rheastrasza cleansed is Wraithion's and right now the jury is out as to whether or not he's all that different from his father.  The end of the legendary cloak quest certainly makes me think otherwise and leaves the question of just how much of Deathwing's evil was the madness of old gods and how much was his own personality.  Then again, given that Wraithion "escapes" from the red dragonflight to forge his own path, we have to wonder if he knows the truth of his birth and what became of his mother.  If so, he might well be out for revenge and this has in turn motivated him to, like his late half-sister Onyxia, try to influence Azerothian politics in his favor.

Or maybe, like Rheastrasza, he sees a larger picture and feels his manipulation and lies are for the greater good and will ultimately save Azeroth from itself when the next great evil is visited upon us.  How far he'll go to achieve his goals isn't clear, but with Rheastrasza and Alexstrasza defining what sacrifices are necessary and setting the tone, there is the potential for greater evil and horror in our futures.

Continuing the Conversation About Lack of Women in WoW

Note: This post and the previous post are meant to coincide with conversations I'm having on Twitter and more of a means for me to try to vent my frustrations and organize my thoughts in ways I can't with a 140-character limit. Other content will be forthcoming as I get used to blogging again.

Look, I know there'll be women in Warlords of Draenor because we know neither draenei or orcs of old were single gender societies.  I know we'll likely see some of their stories, but what I can't overlook is that in the first bits of promotional information delivered to me via the livestream and the website, the information that's supposed to get me pumped and eager to play the new expansion, is made up of men.  First impressions are important and as first impressions go, this one left me concerned rather than excited.

Here's what I saw when I went to the website for Warlords of Draenor (as of November 20, 2013):

Still not sure they aren't going to be a boyband.

And then as I scroll down to read about the legendary characters I'll get to play alongside, this is what I'm shown:

The great Sleeve Shortage of Draenor was a real problem.

Do you see a trend here?  If you check out the new character models, the only options are limited to male previews so far, though there is some concept art of the female models available.  As I've pointed out, I knew even at seven years old that seeing myself in a game was important to me for reasons I didn't always know or understand, and it's disheartening to see a game in which I can play any gender without penalty and still see the story be mostly about men.

There is a woman featured as part of the artwork on the website, one we've been told by Dave Kosak on Twitter is a draenei named Yrel (pronounced "Yee-rell").  From what little is available about her so far, I do actually have good hopes for her story, both as a woman and as a fan of draenei lore (shhh, don't tell my blood elf characters).  Well, aside from comparing her to Joan of Arc because, uh, we know how well that story turned out for the real Joan of Arc and I don't think the end of Joan's life is the imagery they meant to invoke.

When companies create ad campaigns--and make no mistake, this whole website, the trailer, and all the information at Blizzcon is an ad campaign meant to inform us and encourage us to hand over our monies--they do so with an audience in mind.  In this case, it's very clear the audience Blizzard is aiming for doesn't include me as I'm not a man who does manly things.  This might not be such a big deal if we were talking about a product specifically designed for men, or if WoW's player base was exclusively male or the overwhelming majority was male.  It's not, and in fact nearly half of all gamers are women, to say nothing of the multitude of women players I know and interact with whenever I log into the game.

I can't help but see the website, read the information, and think maybe Blizzard is a little out of touch with their player base.  If their desire is to energize the whole player base and not just a portion, wouldn't it behoove them to include more women?  And when it comes to the sorts of women I want to see, I don't just mean women who are instant bad asses (Just add sword!), but women who are, well, people with complex histories and motivations.  You know, like a lot of the male characters we've had, strong yet vulnerable and capable of overcoming tremendous odds.

Finally, just a little side note here.  I've seen so many people react defensively, even angrily at the suggestion that WoW isn't being inclusive and that there is a real problem with their seeming lack of desire to make women more pertinent to the overall lore of Azeroth.  I want to know why?  What harm is done by asking questions?  What harm is there in requesting Blizzard take our concerns and wishes into consideration?  Why, instead of listening or simply ignoring what is being said, must people loudly proclaim there is no problem and tell those of us participating in this discussion to shut up?  If there's really no problem, or Blizzard ultimately sees no problem, then the game will carry on as it is with no changes.  If the developers agree with the criticism and aim to be more inclusive, it can only benefit the game and encourage more people to play as they'll feel like they have a part in the story, which ultimately means more money and a longer lifespan for WoW.

My posts here and on Twitter are totally voluntary on your part to read, and you can choose to agree a little or not at all.  How does what I and others say interfere with your ability to both play and enjoy the game in any shape or form?  What, exactly, are you afraid is going to happen?

When do I get to see myself?

In 1988 the US version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was released.  I was seven years old and hyped when my parents finally purchased it for me because for the first time I got to choose which character to play as and one of my choices was Princess Peach.  I vividly remember sitting down to play and noticing right off the bat that something was wrong.  You see, each character you chose had a strength and unique ability.  Luigi could jump further than Mario, Toadstool could pull plants out of the ground faster, and Princess Peach could hover in the air for extended periods of time.  However, in terms of physical strength, Princess Peach was the weakest so it took her the longest to pull/pick up items from the ground.  For the sake of game balance, it made sense on the surface, but I remember thinking even at seven years old that the only reason Peach was considered the weakest was because she was a girl.

At the time I remember thinking, "But she's bigger than Toadstool, and she's been kidnapped a lot.  Shouldn't she maybe have learned to defend herself at least a little?"  I always thought of myself as a tough girl back then (still do) so I thought other girls could be tough, especially girls in video games where there were magical items to make you stronger or give you extra powers.  It felt so unfair to me and I know I stopped playing the game for a time because there were levels where it just wasn't good to use Peach because of her weakness, and I was utterly disheartened.  All the boys at school talked about video games and how awesome they were, and I agreed, but I couldn't quite put into words then the disconnect I felt with them, and apart from Super Mario Bros. 3, I mostly distanced myself from video games after that because I was getting the message it wasn't for me.  Even in a game when I could choose a character that was like me, a girl, I was at a disadvantage.

I'd like to say that twenty-five years later, it's better--and it is--but sometimes I feel like I'm still having the same conversations I wasn't able to have at seven.  Times have changed and I can go into a game like Dragon Age or Mass Effect and choose to play a female character without suffering any sort of penalty in terms of abilities or story (apart from maybe who I can romance in the first Dragon Age), and I certainly can play a female of any race in World of Warcraft without penalty.  Yet, it's when I look at the NPCs who are shaping the story in which I'm a participant that I start to feel that disconnect again.

At Blizzcon when the Warlords of Draenor expansion was announced, I was excited.  I get to see the characters I loved in Rise of the Horde, and I get to see them without the taint of fel corruption.  Yet, the more I looked at the information given, and then the time I spent on the website, I saw right away that gee, there's a lot of men listed, many of whom we already know at least in one timeline, but where are all the women?  We've been told there's a new woman on the scene, a draenei named Yrel who we're told will be a bad ass, and I'm eager to see her, but I wondered about the established characters we have who should by all rights be taking part in this next chapter.

It niggled at me, bugging me even amid the jokes of "Hot Orc Dads" and the "Orc Boyband."  Then I read Chris Metzen's (possibly off-the cuff) statement that "The honeymoon's over. [Warlords] is a boy's trip," when asked about Aggra's participation.  And while I firmly believe in my heart of hearts Metzen didn't intend to be exclusionary, he was exclusionary in this bit of casual sexism.  Yet again I'm told, "This is a boy's hobby in which we tolerate your presence."

So as I do, I voice concern over Twitter and immediately I'm accused of participating in "gender wars," whatever those are.  Also that I'm not giving them enough time, that I should wait and see, never mind that when the beta launches, the main course of the story will be set and about all that can really be altered is the dialogue if we're being honest as any attempt to put in a different character (with a different model and animations) will take additional time and stall launch.  As if the game isn't nine years old with a history of disappearing women, or using them to make the men look like rational, well thought out leaders.  I'm told I want to control the story, that I should quit playing if it makes me angry (which, angry?  No, disheartened, disappointed, and annoyed, yes, but anger means I step away and say nothing, even though anger would be a valid response to feeling left out yet again).  Never mind that I love the story, the characters, and the game itself, one that I spend several hours per week on playing with friends or solo.  I'm told this is Blizzard's creation and that they have all the say in it, or that I must want to put in token characters into the story (because asking for Jaina, Tyrande, Aggra, etc. is asking for a token character?).  We'll kindly ignore that in the past Blizzard has reacted positively to such feedback and altered what they could to be less offensive/more inclusive, and that their creation is something they'd like me to keep paying for so it's in their best interest to listen to such criticism when it's coming from a good chunk of their player base.  In short, I'm told in every which way but directly to just shut up and accept this.

But I can't just shut up and let it be because inside of me I remember being seven years old and all the ways in which I was disappointed with my favorite game franchise.  Then I get further upset to see that twenty-five years later I still apparently have to make a case for my right to not only to participate, but to see people like me on my game screen.  Even beyond that, as someone who loves the written word and stories, it's kind of galling to see how a well developed character is seemingly dropped once she's paired off with a male, doubly so after she becomes a mother.  It's saddening to watch solid character development given to someone like Lor'themar (who I adore and have loved to see come to the fore this expansion) only to watch Tyrande given lessons in patience by Varian Wrynn of all people.

I don't expect perfection, and there will always be screw ups in terms of representation because, as of yet, the developers have yet to become infallible beings incapable of making mistakes.  In spite of insinuations otherwise, I don't want to be the one to tell the story and I don't want creative control, I just want to feel like I'm part of this community and not a visitor whose simply allowed the privilege of playing in a boy's domain, and I'm not even getting into the lack of queer representation or people of color.

I could sit here and link to articles about how under representation in various forms of media hurts us, or that recent studies have shown television shows with a diverse cast in terms of gender and ethnicity are getting higher ratings (and it would make sense that sort of success could easily be seized upon by video games).  I could tell you that children's self-esteem goes down the more TV they watch, unless that child is white and male and the reason for this is that white male characters make up the majority of lead roles in children's programming.  (And if it has that strong of an effect on children, how do you think it colors adults' perceptions of the world and ourselves?)  I could talk about how in 2011 women only made up 33% of roles in the top 100 grossing films (PDF) and how that number becomes depressingly lower when you focus only on women of color.  I could tell you these are all reasons I think we need to see more women in Warlords of Draenor, that we need to see them in the artwork and to be told more than one woman will play a role in the story to come, but the fact of the matter is I never get that far.  I never get to tell people this because the moment I start to talk about this, I'm drowned out by those who like the status quo or seem somehow threatened by the mere suggestion that something they love isn't perfect or inclusive.  I'm ignored in favor of being called too angry, too emotional, or of wasting my energy on something as insignificant as a video game when there are real problems in the world as if I can't care for both at the same time.  I'm ignored because it's not "[female character's] time" or it's "too soon" to have this talk, but no one seems to be able to tell me when the right time is.

Twenty-five years later, in the year two thousand and thirteen, and I'm still waiting to see myself in the games I love to play.

My Traumatic Event is Not Your Fucking Punchline

This post contains descriptions of sexual assault and rape and I am applying massive Trigger Warnings for this reason.  Also, comments will be turned off for this as I will not entertain any sort of debate or discussion on this matter.  Do not contact me privately if your intention is to play Devil's Advocate or to try and convince me rape "jokes" are totally funny and I'm being unreasonable/overly sensitive, etc.  You will be blocked and ignored.

Tonight, during a Twitter Raid event, someone (who did apologize after I called them out, hence why they remain unnamed) said, "And Rageface leaps on you and rapes your face."  This turned my already borderline mood sour and even though the person apologized and no one spoke up to say anything sarcastic, it reminded me of something I wrote last year after I left a guild over the GM making some heinous rape jokes and then telling me not to "start shit" when I made an effort to point out she was being an asshole.  (Yes, she, and the others joining in the jokes were also women.  Internalized sexism and misogyny is a hell of a drug.)  I'm quoting myself and re-posting here because sometimes I think people need to know what it is they're doing when they make rape jokes.

I want to talk about how rape jokes aren’t funny, and drop a whole bunch of links about how jokes like that empower rapists, make them think it’s no big deal.  I want to quote every feminist and/or survivor who’s ever talked about rape more eloquently than I ever could.
Instead I’m sitting here shaking remembering what it was like to sit on that couch in a so-called friend’s apartment.  To feel someone’s hands on my body and my stomach is churning because I really don’t want to be there, but I’m too scared to say no (I never said yes either).   

Instead I’m remembering being cornered in the hallway at school and forced to endure having my breasts touched when I didn’t want them to be.  I remember the boy who threatened to stab me because I was going to kick him for touching me in the park.  I’m seeing someone’s penis I didn’t ask to see, and it’s erect though I’m too young to understand what that means only to have the realization dawn on me years later when I’m sexually active for the first time.   

He was aroused and wanted me to touch it.  

These were all separate instances.  And someone—more than one someone out there thinks each of them are funny.  The reasons I want to go into the bathroom right now and puke and cry are someone’s punchline.

Yes, these are incidents from my life.  What's sad is that too many other women reading this have lived through similar or worse experiences.  One in six of us have in the United States.  And we must live each and every day in a culture that likes to pretend rape isn't a big deal, or that actively encourages and empowers rapists by allowing seemingly innocuous statements slip under the radar day after day after day.

You don't rape bosses in raid.  You aren't raped by that mob that caused you to wipe.  The only thing that is akin to rape or even like rape is rape.  You're trivializing heinous acts perpetuated by real-life monsters and are normalizing such behavior by treating it like it's no big deal.

There is nothing funny about rape.  Nothing.  If you're making rape jokes and people are laughing, one of them might be a rapist and he thinks you're on his side. You're telling him it's okay for him to rape.  It may be the last thing you're hoping to accomplish with your jokes, but that's what you're doing.

Words have power whether or not I proclaim they do/ do not.  Language isn't as benign as some like to say, and even if you disagree that there's no such thing as a funny rape joke, you can hopefully agree that if someone says those statements make them uncomfortable the decent thing to do is to shut the fuck up, apologize, and find different subject/more appropriate and accurate metaphor.

A Little Update

Change is still coming, but as February is always a rough month for me, I've been slow about getting there.

I have a life! Somewhere.

After taking a weekend off from the game to binge on a bit of Dragon Age: Origins/Awakenings and Dragon Age II, I went back into the game with renewed energy.  First up, I finished out the first part of Wraithion's legendary questing and am now in the process of collecting 6,000 valor points.  As I doubt I will hit the valor cap each week, it will probably take me a little more than the minimum six weeks to accomplish this part of the quest.  However, this is still progress where there was nothing before.

Other accomplishments include getting my hunter to level 90, which also netted me the Quintessential Quintet achievement and made me question the sanity of trying to keep up with this many alts in Mists of Pandaria, an expansion that is not very alt-friendly.

The day after hitting 90, I spent a bit of time on him tracking down a couple of rare tames that had caught my eye: Hexapos and Portent.  Portent I was thinking would take some time to get the color I wanted (purple), but lo and behold, I lucked out the first time I found him, and only within 10 minutes of telling guildies I was hunting him down.  (I can feel the envy from some of you all the way over here.  To quote the Sha of Anger: "Yes, feed me your rage!"  If it comforts you, know that on my main, I don't have near this much luck.)

Named Bruiser because he's purple, like a bruise.

I named him Flappy.

After the excitement of a taking a newly minted 90 through heroics in mostly greens, I switched back to my main to join some guild members in my first ever challenge mode dungeon.  We managed to get bronze on Scarlet Monastery, and then went on to do...not so well on Scarlet Halls.  However, for being new to this whole challenge mode thing, we did really well and we learned quite a lot about what we'll need to do for next time.

Speaking of my guild, we're still looking for a DPS to round out our raid team.  If you're interested and are Horde-side on Wyrmrest Accord/are willing to transfer to a new home if things work out, check out the website to review the application process.  I'll go ahead and vouch for the guild leaders/raid leaders and say the whole guild is filled with some pretty impressive folks  Also, our Mumble conversations never fail to leave me in stitches, which can be a good or bad thing when we're raiding our running heroics/challenge modes.

Here in a bit, I'm going to start work on a post all about 5.2, which drops today.  As my main is a Warlock, you know I'm going to have quite a bit to talk about after I try things out tonight.

Change is Coming

No, I haven't forgotten about this blog, nor do I want to abandon it.  Real life swallowed me whole after the holidays, and then I've had some changes in-game in the form of a couple of guild try outs (one Alliance side that failed and one Horde side that, so far, is working out).

First and foremost, I've joined with Enigma, a new guild on Wyrmrest Accord and, if everything works out, I will be raiding with them in the coming weeks.  The raid team is still being formed, but we've been running LFRs as a group as well as heroics and other activities.  I have to say it's nice to log into the game and see an active guild chat and even more exciting to hop on Mumble and speaking with some pretty awesome people.

In January I leveled my fourth 90, and it wasn't the Hunter (who, as of this writing, is sitting at level 87 and should ding 90 within the next week).  Back in January a friend needed a gnome mage for one of the Winter Veil achievements, so I offered to roll one for her.  After it was done I thought, "Oh what the heck, she looks cute and this could be fun."  So I purchased some heirlooms and, twenty-five days later, she dinged 90.  Yes, she, like all my toons, has a backstory and could be used for role-play if the occasion ever presents itself.  For now I'm enjoying the simplicity that is Arcane.

On the lore front, I've joined a book club of sorts called Warcraft Well Read.  Each month we're picking a Warcraft book to read through.  For January it was Rise of the Horde, a book that left me with a lot to say and which I'll be talking about soon.  This month we're covering Well of Eternity, the first book in the War of the Ancients trilogy.  There'll be more about that later as well.

As for the blog, I'm brainstorming with some ideas for what I want to do.  Now that I might actually be raiding again and role-playing, look for quite a few posts about lore and raiding.  Intermixed with that will be the occasional rant and some posts related to feminism.  One of the ideas I have is theme days, i.e. "Warlock Wednesdays" or "Sunday Afternoon Lore."  I'm not quite sure how I'll do that since real life might not offer me the time to be able to write for this several days per week.

Another idea I've had is possibly trying my hand at Livestreaming.  Currently, this isn't feasible, or at least not something I could do consistently.  My boyfriend and I are gradually getting together a wish list for a new desktop computer for me, but that will take time and will, of course, require money.  However, I hope to be able to accomplish this within the next six months, or to at least have the majority of the components assembled.  From there, we'll see.  Maybe I'll be able to make WoW into something more than just a hobby.

Ultimately, my original vision for this blog hasn't changed, it's simply evolving and gaining a few new layers.  So, stay tuned and maybe this place will become awesome.

Tangential Post to my Women and Blizzard Post

Thrall couldn't imagine Taretha being illiterate.  Books were what had bound them to each other in the first place.  Without her notes, he might never have escaped.  He had thought her fate in the true timeway a brutal one, felt that it was unjust to one who was so kind and greathearted.   

But in a way, the life she had been leading here was almost worse. 

Aggra had accompanied him on his shamanic vision quest, and had, in a fashion, "met" Taretha. 

She should not have died, Thrall had said on that spiritual journey. 

How do you know this was not her destiny?  That perhaps she had done all she had been born to do? Aggra had replied.  Only she knows. 

And Thrall realized with a lurch in his heart that Taretha--in both timeways--did know. 

"To hear this from you--to know that my being alive mattered to anyone, let alone to nations, to...to the history of the world--you don't know what it means to me.  I don't care if I died.  I don't care how I died.  At least I mattered!"  - Thrall: Twilight of the Aspects, pp 121-122

There was a lot I hated about Twilight of the Aspects (and I do mean a lot), but this scene here where Thrall speaks with the alternate-universe Taretha Foxton was one of the worst parts of the book.  I was reminded of it after writing my entry on women in World of Warcraft and talking about the purpose many of the female characters seem to serve.  Here in this book is a canonical example of Blizzard (via Christie Golden) stating outright that a female character was created for the sole purpose of being brutally murdered to give an important male NPC motivation.

And this is supposed to be tragic, which it is, but tragic only in the sense that Blizzard believes this is a compelling tug-at-your-heartstrings story.  What would have been a true tragedy?  That Taretha in a world without Thrall could have been something more.  Maybe only Thrall could have been the one to unite the orcs and Horde the way he did, but Taretha still could have done something worthwhile in that world.  Perhaps she was running something of an underground network of people intent on seeing the orcs set free.  Maybe she was organizing a small rebellion against Blackmoore and doing the best she could with what was given to her.  I'd like to think Taretha without Thrall could still be smart, fierce, and canny enough to be a thorn in Blackmoore's side.

What's more, she could have done all that and still be destined to die.  Meaning: She would have served a noble purpose and died with or without Thrall.  That way Blizzard gets to play the "Death was her destiny" trope while still making it terribly tragic (and a death Thrall would mourn while recognizing its necessity) without reducing Taretha to an illiterate, helpless woman who is only strong enough to survive (and have it implied she's raped by Blackmoore under the guise of being something less than a mistress).  That doesn't remove Thrall as being an important component in the correct timeline since we'd still have needed him to ultimately create the new Horde and rid the world of Blackmoore once and for all.

Instead we take the premise that Thrall is the only one we need, that without him Taretha has no purpose and is in fact nothing without him.  Taretha had to be brutally murdered and beheaded by Blackmoore so it'd enrage Thrall and motivate him to end Blackmoore, and that's the only way she could have died and had a purpose.

And look, I'm not even touching what happens to Alexstraza in this book.  Even the freaking Aspect of the Red Dragonflight must become weakened and needs Thrall to set her back to rights again.  Yes, the book was about Thrall, but it could still be about Thrall and how he's Orc Jesus powerful and important he is without de-powering the women connected to his story.  Besides, it's Taretha's fate that I feel is the real tragedy here.

Just one more example of how women in Azeroth can't win if there's a man's story to tell.

A Passive-Aggressive Letter to Thrall

Dear Thrall,

Oh, no, it's okay, really.  I didn't need any help with that elite level 90 Kor'Kron guard.  Sure, you can stand there and express your disappointment in Garrosh some more while Doomhammer hangs uselessly on your back.  No, really, this isn't a bad time for you to tell me all about your special friendship with Vol'jin.

What's that?  Um, sure, I guess I can go handle the Kor'Kron who are holding the island under martial law.  You want me to go kill them all by myself?  Oh, why the hell not?  I mean, you said you'll wait for me before we go take out the general overseeing the occupation.

Oh.  I see.  No, no, it's fine.  Those two minions, the doomguard, and the elite boss?  Yeah, sure, I've got it. You keep standing over there polishing Doomhammer.  I'd hate to see you, I don't know, crack one of your beads or, heavens forbid, a tusk.  Aggra might think you a lesser orc.  Do you think, maybe, like when we fought Benedictus together you could throw a heal or two my way?  No?  Ah, yeah, I'll just use my healthstones here, I mean good thing I'm not a mage or hunter or anything.

Yes, yes, reassure the trolls that we're looking out for them even though I'm pretty sure I was the one bashing some Kor'Kron skulls in.

Fine, I'll go back and make nice with Garrosh and pretend this never happened.  Whatever you say, Thrall.

Jerk.

With Flagging Admiration,

Folami

(In case it's not obvious, I've been doing the Domination Point dailies and yesterday I helped out Vol'jin by going to warn Thrall of what Garrosh is doing.  Thrall was...not so helpful.  It's okay though, I really could handle it by myself, on my Warlock at least.)

Minor Personal Update (I'm an Over Achiever)

Okay, I admit it, in middle and high school I was one of the nerdy kids who was always on the honor roll.  If there was an academic award, chances are I earned it.  I wasn't exactly Valedictorian (the person who was wound up going to Carnegie Melon so I had some serious competition), but I was still the sort of person other kids loved to hate because teachers loved me and I could ace a test without really trying.

I tell you all this because right now I'm going back through some of the older content and earning some achievements.  This morning, for example, I got my Classic Raider achievement, and once I run the Occulus I'll have my Champion of the Frozen Wastes title.  I'm only missing three dungeons for the Burning Crusade dungeon achievement, and along the way I've knocked a few other little achievements too.  And while all of this has been fairly easy at level 90 with 477 ilevel gear along with full gems and enchants, I've also been feeling rather accomplished and realizing just how much I love my warlock.  She's a power house and I constantly surprise and impress myself with how much I've improved since I took my first tentative steps into raiding only a little over one year ago.

I am not, as of yet, raiding regularly.  I force myself to do Raid Finder on occasion (when I feel I can handle the trolls), and I've got my shaman up to level 90 and am trying to get her geared enough to heal Mogu'shan Vaults, but that's slow going.  I plan to start seriously looking for a regular pug or some other group for my warlock and will save my shaman for my guild as they need healers and, thanks to Vuh'Do, I'm not too shabby at shaman heals.  My main goal for this expansion is to actually get into some heroic raiding on my warlock, but finding a group that's a good fit is going to be tough, especially for someone who's "just" DPS.  My hope is that I can make a great impression and that people will want to keep me around in spite of my bad jokes over Vent/Mumble.

Until then, however, I'm going to content myself with going back and getting ALL THE ACHIEVEMENTS, and if anyone out there wants to start working on some dungeon/raiding achievements from previous expansions (or even the current expansion!), poke me via Twitter @CasualFolami.  (Horde side only for now, but my paladin is almost level 90 and while I don't feel comfortable doing current dungeon/raid content on her, I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to do old school stuff.)