On Dying Well, Man Pain, and Bad Endings: What Final Fantasy XIV Gets Right

Warning:  What follows will include massive amounts of spoilers for Final Fantasy XIV patch 2.55 (and 2.4).  If you have not finished the main story quests in patch 2.55 along with the lengthy closing cut scenes, please proceed with caution.  This post will discuss the major events of this patch in detail and will spoil pretty much everything, so perhaps it's better to wait until you've finished the story before reading this.

I have never made a secret of the fact that I loathe the so-called "grimdark" genre of fiction, and I've come to feel that we're inundated by this desire from creators and writers to be "dark" and "edgy" in nearly every form of media.  Any television show I watch now I go in preparing myself for a favorite character's death, or for some horrific tragedy to befall them.  I cringe at every tragic backstory that's used to give insight into a character's motivation, or to explain why they're an asshole and why it's OK for them to be an asshole.  In video games, I tend to avoid playing ones that I know have endings where nobody really wins, or I have to prepare myself for it and make sure I'm in a good head space beforehand.  Hell, the first time I played through Dragon Age: Origins and lost Alistair at the end, it took me three years before I played through the game again and made the choices that would allow my Hero of Ferelden to keep him, even though I felt those choices were horrible and out of character for the Hero I created.

It's not that I'm young and naive and always want things wrapped up in a neat bow.  I want to see the good guys win the day and see evil vanquished from the realm more often because in real life, it just doesn't happen that way.  Also, it's that too many stories will inflict death on characters for the sole purpose of playing with their audiences' emotions and little else.  My life hasn't been one I'd call easy, and let's just say there's a reason I haven't been able to blog in the last year or so.  Why would I willingly want to play games or watch movies that remind me the world can be a pretty crappy place and that even the supposed good guys are assholes?  These are the things I watch/play when I'm not otherwise engaged in my real life.  I should get to see a world where things work out for the better at least some of the time if only because, well, it's what I want to see.

On the issue of character death in particular, it's not that I don't think characters shouldn't be killed.  If a character must die, I want there to be a reason for their death apart from giving a (usually male) lead fodder and motivation for revenge.  I want to mourn that character without being angry because I can find twenty ways to achieve the same end result without their death (looking at you, Person of Interest).  Again, in real life death and/or horrible accidents befall people for seemingly no reason leaving nothing but questions in their wake.  But in fiction we're not constrained by reality.  We can explain death or give a good reason for it, and, again, sometimes it feels like creators will kill a character just because it's supposed to be sad and tragic, and all too often the characters targeted are women.

Way back when, I wrote a post about Blizzard and women.  In it I talked about how women in Azeroth seem to have a higher than average chance of dying, and often their deaths are used to motivate or only to inflict pain on male characters in the guise of character development.  This isn't something unique to World of Warcraft or Blizzard, of course, and in fact it's been a problem that's plagued comic books, television shows, movies, and video games for years.  It's always disappointing to see a favorite female character disposed of in favor of giving a male character more story, and in some cases downright infuriating.

Like I often do when grappling with feminist and social justice matters, I've questioned myself a great deal after that post.  What sort of character death would I feel was, for lack of a better word, justified?  I didn't really have an answer for that, and that led to a bit of doubt.  Maybe I'd always just be angry to see any woman die regardless of rhyme or reason.  Maybe I really am childish and naive and just plain hate that characters in stories die.  Then I played through the main story quest in patch 2.4 of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn and watched a short-lived character by the name of Moenbryda die before my eyes.

Who wouldn't want to marry her?

And her death didn't make me angry.

Oh, yes, I mourned her because for the short time she was part of the story, she made such an impression that I made a comment on Twitter about her being my "future video game wife."  I wanted to see her hang around, but ultimately I was OK with her death.  I've been marinating in my reaction for quite some time wondering why her death didn't send me into a great feminist rant like Leza Farwalker's (formerly Dawnchaser) death in World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria did.  Was I being a hypocrite?  Was this sour grapes because FFXIV has overall better representation for women?  Or was it that I wasn't shocked because it's Final Fantasy and at least one character's death is pretty notorious even to people who've never played the series?

Perhaps it sounds silly to some of you, but I did do a lot of soul searching over this.  For me, and many other feminists I know, challenging ourselves like this is part of how we grow and continue to change.  My stance on Blizzard and women never wavered, but I continued to be baffled by why FFXIV wasn't making me angry.  At first, I chalked it up to Moenbryda being a minor character and somewhat of a plot device, but after patch 2.55 and another beloved character's death, I think I have some answers.

In my post on Blizzard and women, I focused a bit on how characters die.  I said that women in Azeroth were passive in their deaths, that it was something that happened to them rather than them being active participants in it.  For example, childbirth or a stray rock thrown in a riot.  For male characters, there was often an element of self-sacrifice involved (Rhonin's sacrifice at the battle of Theramore).  The death of women served as fodder for male characters to drive them to depression and/or murderous rampages.  The death of men was something great and noble, and when women tried to seek vengeance, they were denied and/or villified for it.  In at least one case, the woman in question was given patronizing speeches by men to make her see the light.

This, I've come to realize, is where FFXIV got it right with Moenbryda, and then again in 2.55 with a major character death.  To understand what I mean, first I need to explain who Moenbryda was and how she died.

Moenbryda

Moenbryda is a Seawolf Roegadyn who was an apprentice of the late Louisoux Levellieur.  She's introduced to us in patch 2.4 as someone who has been researching auracite, a type of crystal that the Scions believe can be altered to bring true death to the immortal (and evil) Ascians.  Rather than being some random scholar the Scions have never heard about, Moenbryda has a history with both Urianger and Yda.  When we first encounter her, she openly flirts with Urianger and makes the normally composed and stiff Scion rather ruffled and obviously embarrassed.  (Whether she flirts with Urianger precisely because of his reaction, or if she and Urianger have a romantic past is left open for debate.  I like to think they did, or that Moenbryda was hoping to start one.)  Yda also talks favorably of Moenbryda and obviously cares for her as a friend.


Though we've never heard of Moenbryda before, her presence doesn't feel out of place and her history seems natural.  Within these few quests we're able to see Moenbryda as a caring friend with a sense of humor, an intelligent scholar, and a fierce warrior who will defend her friends with her very life.  She's given depth and dimension some NPCs never see for entire expansions, which speaks volumes as to the writing and I feel compelled to give a kudos there.

Moenbryda understands.

At the climax of the arc, the Ascian Nabriales turns up at the Scions' base to steal Louisoux's staff.  When he threatens the Scions' leader, Minfilia, Moendbryda steps in with her axe, but is promptly impaled and thrown back by Nabriales's magic.  He then takes Minfilia through a portal and we're urged by a mortally wounded Moenbryda to go get her.  (At this point I feel compelled to mention that I will likely be discussing this part of the quest in a separate post focusing partially on Minfilia herself.)  When we return after saving Minfilia, another small skirmish ensues in which we're told to use the auracite to vanquish him.  Of course, it's not enough to defeat him, so Moenbryda, after a speech about finally understanding her mentor Louisoux's sacrifice, gives her life so that we, the hero, can kill Nabriales once and for all and save both the Scions and Eorzea.

Moenbryda accepts death.

Unlike in World of Warcraft, where heroes too often tend to die off-screen or in books, we watch Moenbryda step into the light and give up her lifeforce to power the auracite.  We see her smile as she says goodbye and see her find peace in her decision and knowledge that she is dying for the greater good, just like Louisoux.  It was a powerful scene, one that was made to tug at the heartstrings.

In the aftermath of her death, the Scions grieve, particularly Urianger and Yda.  In keeping with his character, Urianger is private in his thoughts, only explaining that Louisoux kept Moenbryda at arm's length after learning what he'd have to do in order to save Eorzea and he didn't want her influenced by his decision.  He's happy that she came to understand Louisoux loved her and only pushed her away to spare her pain.  Urianger does ask Minfillia for time away to grieve, and states he's going to search for the missing Students of Baldesion, an endeavor of which Moenbryda would approve.  There's no big dramatic scene where Urianger swears vengeance on the remaining Ascians, and he doens't fall into a deep depression and wallow in his grief.  He continues working, and he does that for Moenbryda.

Apart from that, we're not given much insight into Urianger's grieving process, which isn't to say Moenbryda is forgotten, far from it.  We attend a memorial service for Moenbryda, and time and time again Minfillia and others remark that it's unfair we have no time to properly mourn because there are many other dangers and enemies still left to confront.  This theme continues into patch 2.55 where we have a chat with Yda and bring flowers to Moenbryda's memorial site.  Yda's grief feels very real and natural.  She's continuing on, though it's obvious she's feeling lost and sad, and she talks about how her friend would be angry to see her in such a state, a familar sentiment for anyone who has ever lost a loved one.

And this is why I'm not angry.  Moenbryda's death was a good death, if there can ever be such a thing.  She sacrificed herself in a way normally reserved for male characters to die, and instead of having her die to push other characters to vengeance, she's remembered for her sacrifice and her friendship.  What's more is that her death isn't forgotten, we watch the remaining characters grieve for her and know that her death is allowing them to learn more about auracite and how to fight the Ascians.

But what about when character's don't sacrifice themselves?  What of characters whose death do drive a male protagonist to seek vengeance?

Nanamo and Raubahn

Nanamo and Raubahn

Sultana Nanamo Ul Namo is the leader of the city-state of Ul'dah.  Though she's ruler by bloodline, in truth she's more of a figurehead who must battle for power against the Syndicate, a council whose members are comprised of the richest merchants in Ul'dah.  To simplify things a bit, Nanamo is essentially a socialist while the Monetarist faction of the Syndicate are capitalists who are always looking for profit over the social welfare of those less fortunate.  Early in ARR, after a memorial service for those lost in the Calamity, her military commander Raubahn Aldynn explains that Nanamo understands her people's suffering and has been trying her best to ease that suffering, but every attempt to aid the poor and the refugees of the Calamity are thwarted by the Syndicate time and time again.

Throughout the main story quests we're given glimpses into the politcs of Ul'dah and see Nanamo struggle to make the best decisions for her people.  We also see how devoted and loyal Raubahn is to her.  Raubahn, a former gladiator who purchased a spot on the Syndicate and reinstated the Immortal Flames company to serve as the Sultana's army, believes in Nanamo's vision for Ul'dah.  His military genius and her compassion make the two of them together a good force for Ul'dah.  He's also one of her closest confidants and a true friend to her.

Alphinaud explains Ul'dah's sigil.

Due to her continued struggle with the Syndicate and the discovery of treacherous plots happening right under her nose, Nanamo comes to the conclusion that the best chance for Ul'dah's is for her to abdicate the throne.  In 2.55 she calls for a private audience with the Warrior of Light (the player) and reveals her plan.  She speaks of making Ul'dah a "true republic" that is "ruled by the people" and not only those with enough money to buy power.  In return, she requests that we help Raubahn in the trying times to come so that he can establish this new Ul'dah.  Following this revelation, we're left to watch helpless as Nanamo drinks a glass of poisoned wine and dies before our eyes in a fairly disturbing cut scene.

While we're being framed for her murder, the Monetarist leader responsible for her assassination publicly taunts Raubahn, an action that turns out to be very hazardous to his health.  Raubahn kills him and then later engages in a battle with his former friend who claims responsibilty for Nanamo's murder, losing his left arm in the fight.  Raubahn continues to fight so that we can escape with the Scions.  At the end of 2.55, we see him imprisoned behind bars with a bandange on what's left of his arm while his face is contorted in what can only be described as an expression of sheer rage.

Yes, Nanamo's assassination provided Raubahn with pain and will serve as his motivation for vengeance against those responsible.  Of course, he'd already promised to take the Monetarists down prior to Nanamo's death, it's just now the gloves are off and feels he has nothing to lose but his life.  But just as Urianger's reaction to Moenbryda's death was in keeping with his character, Raubahn's violent reaction is in character for him as well.  He was a refugee whose people were displaced by the Garlean Empire, and he became a gladiator to survive.  Violence is how he lived, a violence that was tempered by his love and belief in Nanamo.  Also, it wasn't only that Nanamo was killed, it was that Ul'dah is now completely within the Monetarists' control.  He has very few options open to him except flight or fight, and well, he's a fighter.

Yet, Nanamo's death isn't just about Raubahn.  Nanamo wasn't killed to get to Raubahn or to just to piss him off, she was killed to stop her from doing something that would have completely foiled the villains' plans.  While her power as a ruler was all but crippled, her ability to give up her throne granted her more power than the Syndicate and Monetarists could combat.  What's more, she was opening the door for all those impoverished citizens and refugees to become equals to those with wealth and influence.  By himself, Raubahn wasn't a big enough threat to the villains for them to take him out directly, and the fact that he is allowed to live albeit behind bars, shows Nanamo was the more powerful and important of the two.  His rage and anger are a by-product.  (Granted, you know the bad guys are going to regret letting Raubahn live because that's just how these things tend to work out in the end.)

Bad Endings

As you can probably guess, patch 2.55 brought about a lot of changes.  After watching the hour's worth of cut scenes, I was left in a puddle of emotions in my chair.  The end to ARR is not one that can be called a good ending in the sense that the good guys come out on top.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.

Borrowing a page from the Kobayashi Maru, SquareEnix gave their player base a "no win" scenario.  Framed for the murder of Nanamo and with the Crystal Braves no longer under Alphinaud's command, we're unable to prove our innocence to a corrupt system controlled by our enemies.  To stand and fight means a certain defeat and will assure the villains' victory.  We flee Ul'dah with the Scions who sacrifice themselves one by one to ensure our escape until we're all that's left.  With little more than the clothes on our back, few allies, and fewer safehavens to go to, we arrive in the cold of Coerthas with the realization that everything we fought for throughout A Realm Reborn has been for naught.  The final chapter before Heavensward ends with Tataru reminding Alphinaud and us that hope yet remains and it is that hope we must hold onto if we're to survive the coming journey North into Ishgard.

In most other games, this sort of ending would make me incredibly angry.  As I said at the start of this, I like to see evil doers vanquished and the heroes win.  Yet, oddly, despite my heartache over the loss of Nanamo and others (who may or may not also be dead), I came away feeling sated.  Sure, the knowledge the story will continue in the next expansion helps, but it's not just that.  The ending felt authentic and, in a way, congruent to how ARR started.  There was no Calamity, but we have been torn down in a different way this time and must rebuild from scratch, this time without the assistance and knowledge of our enigmatic friends the Scions.

With constant civil unrest in Ul'dah, primals summoned left and right throughout Eorzea, the imminent threat of a Garlean invasion, and Dravanians reigniting a centuries' old war with Ishgard, there was no way for ARR to wrap the various story lines up in a neat little bow.  Plus, going into Ishgard essentially alone is a frightening prospect.  We are the Warrior of Light, but our image is tarnished.  While many know we're innocent, others may not be so easily convinced.  Add to that we are but one person facing the possibility of war with not one, but two armies.  It makes me eager to see how we're going to resolve this, and how the friends we've made in ARR will change and what will become of them in Heavensward.  I think, in the end, it would have been highly unsatisfying if everything had somehow been wrapped up neatly for Heavensward.

None of this is to say that FFXIV is a perfect feminist MMO utopia, far (very far) from it.  There are issues within the game, ones I hope to discuss in other posts to come.  However, I felt it important to document what FFXIV did different, and in my opinion, better than other games have when it came to handling death.  It's not often that I truly get to laud a game like this, especially when it involves events and tropes I usually hate.  It was also a good opportunity for me to blow the dust off this blog and return after nearly a year of silence.

On Being Gender Blind

Yes, the roleplay guide posts will resume shortly, possibly this week and next week.  I've been dealing with fun things in real life involving giving my blood to strange people so they can tell me all the things wrong with me.  (It turns out there's not much apart from inheriting my father's stubborn veins, thankfully.)  Of course, not having the time/energy to do the RP post doesn't mean other things aren't coming across my radar that I'd like to talk about.  This week the stars have aligned in such a way that something pinged more than once and I wanted to touch on it.

It started Monday with Brian Patterson's webcomic D20 Monkey.  The comic that day concerned one of the regular cast members, Jeannie, a woman who is, naturally, a gamer.  While by no means anything I'd term a feminist comic, Patterson does occasionally poke at the problematic elements of gaming and geek culture, and Monday was one of those days.  This time it concerned Jeannie's personal experiences as a table-top GM trying to put together a campaign.  It's pretty funny and, sadly, a bit spot-on regarding the sexism and immaturity many women have experienced, but it was the middle panel that got my attention the most.

D20 Monkey

Then, yesterday on Twitter someone lamented the fact that people feel the need to identify what sort of gamer they are by gender (and sometimes sexuality).  "Why can't we all just be gamers?" they asked.  The ideal gamer, the "good" gamer shouldn't see race or gender.  We should all be able to enjoy a game without mentioning our sexuality, our race, or our gender.  Sounds like a great idea, right?  It's not.

In social justice circles we often encounter the concept of color and other types of "blindness."  It's intended as a way of saying we're all equal and we're all human and should be treated based on our merits and accomplishments rather than the things that are beyond our control.  While definitely a laudable goal, this type of "blindness" ignores the very real fact that we can see skin color and gender.*  In fact, colorblindness is a form of racism because it ignores the historic and continued impact of racism in our society.  To be colorblind is to be in a position of privilege since those who claim colorblindness are often white and, thus, do not experience racism and don't always see the many ways racism affects the day-to-day life of non-whites.  Likewise, to claim you don't see gender in gaming is to ignore the very real fact that women must endure sexism and misogyny at every level in the gaming industry.

From artwork, to development, to stories, and even to the players themselves, feminist gamers see sexism and misogyny on an almost daily basis, not because we want to or we're looking for it, but because it's an extension of our culture.  It's more apparent to us because we've experienced it and can see a pattern, and we also know that sexism isn't always blatantly obvious to those who never have to worry about it (namely men).

The problem with asking me to shut up about being a woman who enjoys gaming is that there are men out there who genuinely believe women don't play video games, or that if we do, we're a small minority.  The reality is that we make up half the gaming market, but that is in no way reflected in the mainstream gaming industry.  Right now, I know women who hide their gender online because they fear harassment, and there are countless accounts from other women to provide more than enough validity to those fears.  And even when men in the industry are caught sexually harassing a female developer in such a way that no one can deny it happened, they are able to continue their careers with little or no penalty.  The issue isn't that these women exist in a way that makes it obvious they're women, the issue is that sexism and misogyny exist and that we allow it to continue.

When you say we shouldn't bring up gender in our identities as gamers, what you're really asking us is to pretend we're men.  You're really saying, "It makes me feel uncomfortable to acknowledge there are differences in how we're treated, bur rather than address the inequality I want you to act like it doesn't exist."

Pretending we're equal doesn't make us equal, and in doing so we only reinforce the status quo.  We must acknowledge the problems in our community, and we must address them if we want to see change.  If it makes you uncomfortable or maybe makes you feel somewhat culpable for not calling out the bad behavior when you see it, then good.  I want you to be aware of it.  I want you to feel icky because it means you're listening and you're realizing there is a very real problem.

It's important that I'm here as a woman.  I want game developers and creators to see me enjoying their games, and I want them to see women characters as more than plot devices.  I exist and that deserves acknowledgment.

* = I recognize not every person identifies as male or female, and that there are non-binary genders.  I'm addressing the fact that people assume gender on the basis of appearance, which in itself is an issue.

The 101 Problem

“And it took a little out of me too, let me tell you.  And after that little effort, I tangled with a fella who knew a little something about fencing.  And after that, I spent a few happy moments grappling with a giant.  And after that, I had to outfake a Sicilian to death when any mistake meant it was a knife in the throat for you.  And after that I’ve run my lungs out a couple of hours.  And after that I was pushed two hundred feet down a rock ravine.  I’m tired, Buttercup; do you understand tired?  I’ve put in a night, is what I’m trying to get through to you.”'

- The Princess Bride by William Goldman, 1973

I'm going to take a brief break from my roleplay guide to discuss something that's been bothering me for a long while now, and after yet another controversy in the Blizzard community centered around sexism, I feel now is the best time to address it.  This is going to get a little ranty, so bear with me because, as I said, this is stuff that's been percolating in my head for a few months.

It starts the same every time.  In one community or another, a social justice/feminist issue arises.  Feminists and/or those who experience marginalization related to whatever the issue is begin to talk about it and express anger, disappointment, concern, or all three.  For the majority of people involved, it's not the first time this issue has come up and it (sadly) isn't likely to be the last.  Most of people involved are well versed in the issue and the problems and history surrounding it.  A conversation starts and those involved use the discussion to vent and to try and discover ways to address the issue so it doesn't happen again.  Yet, they never get very far before outsiders, usually those who are privileged and never experience the prejudice being discussed, barrel into the conversation.  The outsiders start asking questions.  What is this problem?  Why is this a problem?  Then, no matter what answers the outsiders get, they start demanding evidence and asking more questions, some of which have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand.  The outsiders then appoint themselves as arbiters of What Truly Matters(TM), declare there's not a problem and that everyone should just move on, and then they gleefully pat themselves on the back for being Rational and Logical while telling the other party they're Hypersensitive and Overly Emotional.  If the outsiders can't see the problem, then clearly there is none.

After that, the conversation dwindles to nothing because the originators are effectively silenced and virtually everyone involved is angry, hurt, and/or exhausted.  A few days or weeks later, the same issue (or another, similar issue) crops up and folks in the social justice/feminist circles strike up a conversation.  Outsiders jump into the discussion and start making demands.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Every single time someone at Blizzard (or another entity not necessarily related to a game company) steps in a pile of sexist shit, this happens.  Every single time feminists try to talk about the issue, demands are made of us to educate everyone on the very basics of feminism and social justice and then we're also tasked with bringing up every piece of evidence that has ever been collected on the matter.  Then, as if that's not enough, we must do all this while practicing complete emotional detachment lest we be accused of being angry or mean or toxic.  After all, our lived experience is only validated so long as we don't get all emotional and touchy-feelly about it.

I've seen people lament that the community is sluggish and resistant to change, and that's true.  There has been change, little bits here and there, but overall progress has been virtually non-existent in certain key areas as yesterday's response to the WoWInsider post about Blizzard's horrible draenei April Fool's joke showed us.  I spent a little time yesterday delving into the very basics of feminism on Twitter and saw, yet again, feminists having to educate others on why the "joke" was problematic and why many women were upset by it.  I saw the same, tired requests to "be nice" and reminders that "it's just a game."  I saw accusations from one set of feminists calling another set toxic because they believed they were being treated awfully for saying the joke didn't bother them.  By the end of it, people were unfollowed or blocked on Twitter, and there were a lot of hurt feelings and aggravation because, hey, didn't we just have this same conversation a few weeks ago about something else?

I've come to believe part of the reason the Blizzard community (among others) has been so resistant to change is because we are constantly bogged down in Social Justice 101 lessons.  We can't have a nuanced conversation that addresses the crux of the problem due to this constant need to remind everyone that, yes, sexism and misogyny does exist in gaming and is a very real problem.  Nothing is ever going to change if we must stop every time to take privileged folks by the hand and educate them as to the whos, whats, wheres, and hows of social justice.  To demand oppressed people educate their oppressors is asinine, and yet we constantly do it.  The reason it feels like we're repeating ourselves is because we are, over and over and over.

To quote Westley from the novel version of The Princess Bride, I'm tired, Buttercup.

Personally I'm ready to move beyond the 101.  I've been here for years and, quite frankly, I'm sick of waiting for everyone else to catch up.  If a person can't come into the conversation accepting the very basic premise that sexism is real (as are racism, homophobia, and transphobia), then I don't have time for them.  If a privileged party can't engage in discourse without knowing why it's offensive to request marginalized people not express anger or emotions in general while discussing emotionally charged subject matter, then they don't belong in the conversation.  If a person demands I educate them on very basic tenets of feminism despite the numerous resources available and can't be bothered to do a simple Google search, then I'm going to ignore them.

Furthermore, it's time to disabuse ourselves of the notion that we have to play nice.  I don't mean we have free license to be assholes; however, we don't have to be friends with everyone.  We talk about these things like they're important because they are important.  Sexism and misogyny aren't just restricted to the games we play or the movies we watch, they're a truth of our everyday experience in the real world.  We live this, so yes, some of us are going to be angry when we talk about it.  We're especially going to be angry if you're rude enough to approach this as a hypothetical and not accept it as real.  Kudos to you if you only have to experience sexism as a theory.  It's not a theory for me and me not being Emily Post and offering you tea and crumpets in the face of you trying to invalidate me doesn't change that.  Oppression exists independent of the emotional state of the oppressed person.

For other feminists we need to remember that we are, each of us, human and that means we all come to the table with different experiences and interests.  Within our own group we aren't free from the racism, transphobia, or even the sexism and misogyny we fight against and some of us have our own privileges we must be aware of.  Feminists are not required to agree on every single topic, and it'd be a bad thing if we did agree 100% of the time otherwise nothing would ever change.  Just because you don't view something as problematic doesn't mean the other feminists who do are "toxic" or bullying you.  (And please, please, please take note that saying "I'm a woman/feminist and [issue] doesn't bother me," can be viewed as a silencing tactic.  Either don't engage or simply explain why you don't think it's an issue and try to understand why the other party thinks differently or know that their lived experience might differ greatly from yours.)  No one is a gatekeeper and no one gets to decide which matter is more important for the whole.

Finally, to the people who identify themselves as allies, or who want to be allies, when you join in a conversation please try to remember it's not about you.  A huge part about being an ally is learning when it's time to speak up and when it's better to, in the immortal words of MC Hammer Vanilla Ice (oh geeze, of all the things to screw up), stop, collaborate, and listen.  Take the initiative and educate yourself.  Read, read, and when you're done reading, read some more.  Ask questions if you must, but don't interrupt a conversation or ask a question unrelated to the subject being discussed.  And, for the love of fluffy kittens and pudgy puppies, accept that you don't get to tell people what is or isn't offensive.

Meaningful and respectful discourse can't occur if one party insists the problem isn't real.  Change isn't going to happen so long as we are required to play the part of the educator and are never allowed to move beyond the 101 level.  We never get around to addressing and fixing the problems in our community because we can't even get to the conversation about how to solve it.  Our words never reach the ears of the people who need to hear them because they never escape our circle and the ones trying to silence us make it look like it's unimportant and childish bickering.  I'm done with holding 101 lessons for people who obviously don't care to go to the next level and don't want there to be any change.  This is my line in the sand and I'm telling you to come to the conversation prepared or pack your bags and go home because I've heard it all before and I'm ready for something new.

I'm going to end this with a list of links to blog posts you need to read all of which encapsulate the many problems that flared up yesterday and anytime there's a new "controversy" in the WoW community.

Further Reading:

Tzufit - Rules of Engagement: A Primer for Discussing Sexism in WoW - Excellent post specific to the WoW community, yet full of helpful links, terms, and advice for navigating conversations regarding social justice matters.

Apple Cider Mage - Feminists All the Way Down - ACM talks about internalized sexism and misogyny in women and her personal journey to feminism.  There's been quite a bit of internalized sexism happening of late.

The Gender Bender Blog - Another 101 Fact: There is no such thing as reverse sexism. - For all the ones who say "Men have it just as bad!" or "You're being sexist against men!"  Additionally, Racialicious's "Reverse Oppression: A Fad that Needs to End" breaks down the problem with "reverse bigotry."

Shakesville - #IAskedPolitely and the accompanying Twitter responses (WARNING: Some of the tweets are inappropriate, gross, and/or miss the point of the hashtag entirely.) - People on twitter shared personal experiences to demonstrate why being nice and polite often isn't enough.

Derailing for Dummies - A Guide to Derailing Conversations - A satirical guide covering the common ways people derail conversations regarding marginalization and oppression.  (In case I have to spell it out, this is NOT a how-to guide, unless you intend to be an asshole.)

Geek Feminism Wiki - Privilege - Many people fail to understand what feminists mean when we say privilege.  If someone says you benefit from privilege, they don't mean your life was easy or that you never experienced tragedy, they are specifically referring to ways in which your skin color, gender, or sexual orientation benefit you in our society.

Lipmag - Broadening Feminism[s]: Intersectionality 101 - An important read and reminder that it's possible to experience both oppression and privilege, and why it is that one group might see marginalization while another doesn't.

There's a Difference

Her side-eye has killed 100 men.

(Content Note: This post talks about rape culture and sexual violence.)

Yesterday, on the wonderful social network that is Twitter, I posted this link and expressed offense and disgust at the achievements listed, particularly the first one.  As sometimes happens, I was immediately questioned by two dudebros who insisted that A) "It's just a game!" and B) that I was a hypocrite because I play World of Warcraft and kill masses of people every day.  (That last part isn't exactly true, but rather than argue semantics over killing mantid versus humans--as I don't PvP--we'll say I do go on a mass murdering spree every time I log in.)  When I tried to explain that sexualized violence is a different brand of violence, I was met with "Violence is violence!"

Except it's not.

Sure, I do feel any sort of violence is bad when not used in self defense, and there have been times in video games when I was upset that I was either forced to have a character perform a violent act and kill a group of people, or defend a character who had done something I disliked.  However, the crux of this issue is comparing killing monsters in a video game en masse versus singling out one, very specific female character and encouraging players to sexually violate her.  The latter is often played off as a joke, or not a big deal, which is very much an echo of what I hear about real-life sexualized violence over and over again.  Furthermore, there are real people in this world right now who believe women have "no expectation of privacy" once they leave their homes and that by leaving their homes they're giving men consent to unknowingly take pictures up their skirts and share those images with others.  (Oh yeah, that's a judge.  You know, the person you expect to want to put the criminal away.)

In our society we treat the crimes of rape and murder very differently.  The vast majority of players don't enter into video games thinking "Yeah mass murder is awesome!"  In the context of the game we might find it fun or even a little humorous depending on the game, but once we leave that game we don't turn on the news and cheer when we hear about a dictator silencing opposition with violence.  We don't say, "They were asking to be killed living there," or "What's the big deal?"  We express horror and sign petitions or join advocacy groups, and sometimes we ask our world leaders to get involved in some way.  Yes, I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule, but again, the vast majority of us are going to recognize a real difference between what we do in a game and what happens in the real world.

With rape, what should be a clear case of right versus wrong becomes murky.  In the Grand Theft Auto franchise we can have sex with a prostitute, kill her, and then take the money we paid her back.  In real life, when a sex worker is raped we call that "theft of services."  In other games (heterosexual) men are invited to ogle at women and fantasize about them.  In real life when women express discomfort or offense at these things that happen to us, we're asked "What's the big deal?" and told it's a compliment to be leered at and told what sex acts a man wants to do with our bodies.  If we talk about it happening in a game, we're told we must be unattractive to take offense and jealous, as if being attractive or unattractive adds or detracts from the validity of our words.  (Hint: It doesn't.)

In the real world, when a murder occurs, we want justice. Police don't usually stand around and debate whether or not a victim was murdered (and before someone tries to get smart with me, I am talking about cases where foul play is obvious and not an episode of Sherlock).  If they ask where the victim was and why, it's to figure out who else might have been there and had access to the murder scene so as to derive a list of suspects.  If the victim was involved in a criminal activity, they still try to capture the murderer (in most cases) because they believe the person will murder again.

When a woman comes forward to say she was raped, the scenario changes.  First, we have to ask her whether or not she was really raped and doesn't just regret a one-night stand.  Regardless of any physical evidence gathered (which may or may not ever be tested), we ask if she was dressed provocatively.  Was she inebriated or otherwise impaired?  Did she scream no and flail like a good victim?  If not, maybe it wasn't that bad.  Since it's far more likely she knows her rapist, the questions will turn to why was she with him, or why she let him into her home.  People who know the rapist will leap to his defense and say he couldn't possibly do such a horrible thing, and then tell the victim she's a horrible person and ruining his life.  Even if she's not the first person to speak up or the last, the rapist will always be believed first over anything his victims might say.  The victims, after all, want attention or money or some combination thereof.  It's rare that a rapist ever spends a day in jail.

The above paragraph isn't a scenario from a video game, it's the reality in which I live.  It's a reality I've experienced when I was sexually assaulted and tried to file a report with the police.  "It's just a game!" rings hollow when I see boys online cheering gleefully about being invited to violate a female character, and I witness men walking away from persecution for doing the same thing in real life because it's not that serious of a crime.  It becomes harder to "take a joke" (as if it's easy to laugh off trauma I've actually experienced) when I see recent studies where young men say it's reasonable to force a woman to have sex (i.e. rape her) if they paid for dinner or she flirted with them.  Or that men might be raping women and not consider what they've done rape, or are able to get away with it because if she's drunk or doesn't scream "no" at you, it's not really rape.

I've said before that video games are like art and as such they provide a reflection of our society.  I don't believe someone not already prone to violence is going to play a violent video game where they murder people and be encouraged to go and repeat those acts in the real world.  I don't believe a man will necessarily take an uninvited peek at a female character's underwear and then go out and try it for real.  But just because I don't think playing a game will turn someone into a predator doesn't mean I don't see a disparity between how we, as a culture, talk about murder versus rape.  We get daily messages that murder is wrong, that it's bad, yet we don't quite receive the same messages about sexual violence and rape.

Maybe, just maybe, it's time we worked to change that.

Rheastrasza and Sacrifice

Content Note: This post discusses imprisonment, forced impregnation, and forced experimentation. 

This past weekend I had the honor and privilege of being a guest on Apple Cider Mage and Tzufit's podcast Justice Points, a show that takes a look at social justice and feminist issues inside World of Warcraft.  Our episode tackled the subject of mothers and motherhood in Azeroth with topics ranging from how motherhood is portrayed to the conspicuous absence of mothers in game and lore in general.  I had an absolute blast and am rather pleased with how the episode turned out, but there was one character I wanted to touch on who we simply didn't have time to cover.  However, instead of looking at her in terms of motherhood and mothers in Azeroth, this post will center around questions of ethics, consent, and what is meant by sacrifice.

Rhea

While questing through Badlands in either faction, you come across a Cataclysm era quest arc involving a goblin named Rhea.  At first she seems like any other goblin: passionate about her research and eager to uncover the secrets of the black dragonflight's procreation and source of their old god corruption.  She asks for the player's help in the task of stealing wild black dragon eggs and whelpling corpses.  In the larger picture of in-game quests, her request is par for the course.  Go kill stuff and bring back its body part/corpse/poo, or go here and steal some object from the enemy.  However, if we look at the quest on its own merits, it quickly turns macabre in that you're stealing what are essentially infants and killing toddlers to collect their bodies for a third party to experiment on.  Then, once you turn in the corpses Rhea hints at the fact she is no ordinary goblin, but doesn't yet reveal her true identity.  She removes the magical veil concealing the presence of Nyondra, a black dragon mother and we enter a whole new level of horror.

Nyxondra is being held against her will. She is hidden from her brood, right in the middle of their breeding grounds. She lays eggs, but they will be taken away before she can see them hatch.

Cruel? Perhaps... but not nearly as cruel as the treatment that their dragonflight showed my mistress.

Show me that I can trust you, <name>. Take Nyxondra's eggs, and bring them here. You will need to beat Nyxondra into submission before you can take them.

Rhea's mistress is, you will later learn, Alexstrasza the head of the red dragonflight and (now former) Aspect of Life on Azeroth.   That Alexstrasza would order another dragon held captive against her will and allow her eggs to be stolen, experimented upon, and ultimately destroyed in the process is particularly disturbing considering Alexstrasza's own history of forced captivity and breeding during the Second War.  In case it's not enough that you're asked to be complicit in the imprisonment and experimentation of Nyondra, Rhea specifically tells you that in order to earn her trust you must beat Nyxondra into submission and steal her eggs.  The reason for this cruelty and horror is revealed after you hand over the three eggs you literally beat Nyxondra into giving you when Rhea turns into the red dragon Rheastrasza and finally explains the purpose of her experiments.

Rhea says: Deathwing's madness overcomes him, and we, the red dragonflight, must take this opportunity to steal his black dragons from beneath him. We will remake the black dragons as they are intended to be: the warders of the earth.

If you're not familiar with the lore, once upon a time Deathwing was Neltharion the Earth-Warder, Aspect of the black dragonflight.  Many thousands of years ago, Nelthraion was driven mad by an old god and turned against the other dragonflights during the War of the Ancients.  Neltharion became Deathwing and was eventually imprisoned within Azeroth, but not before his madness spread to the other members of the black dragonflight.   After his escape caused the Cataclysm, it appears Alexstrasza asked Rheastrasza to find a means of cleansing the black dragonflight of their corruption by any means necessary.

Alexstrasza's and, by extension, Rheastrasza's motivations are clearly good.  They wish to purify the black dragonflight and restore the order to the dragonflights taken away by an old god's corruption.  After all, even before Deathwing nearly destroyed Azeroth and upset the balance of the elements, other black dragons like his daughter Onyxia had proven dangerous to the world.  There was no guarantee that even with Deathwing's death that the black dragonflight would cease to pose a threat.  However, the question of the ends justifying the means and whether or not sinking to the same tactics of your enemy makes you any better must be asked.  Furthermore, how do we trust this isn't partly revenge or that Alexstrasza wouldn't go so far again under less dire circumstances?  Given that we must bloody our hands to even be entrusted with this knowledge, what other horrors might the red dragonflight--the ones we're told are the good guys--be involved in that we don't know about?  Finally, whose to say that even free from madness the black dragonflight themselves will view this cruelty as necessary and not a betrayal?

With the aid of Titan technology, you manage to clear away old god corruption from one of Nyxondra's eggs.  More questing that requires the deaths of other black dragons follow under the guise of protecting the eggs Rheastrasza has stolen until finally she asks you to kill Nyxondra.

My greatest regret is the treatment that we - no, I - gave to Nyxondra. I forced her to lay eggs, then I performed experiments on them. Over, and over, and over again.

Even as a mother myself, I can only imagine her sorrow.

No... I mustn't be weak. Our work is, after all, for the benefit of future generations of black dragons. Her sacrifice was necessary.

She circles the Ruins of Kargath, northwest of New Kargath, insane with fury. Please, heroes... put her out of her misery.

The line "Her sacrifice was necessary," is curious.  It is, of course, open to interpretation, but to say someone has made a sacrifice implies a choice was made on the part of the one doing the sacrifice.  Nyxondra, as was already established, was imprisoned and experimented upon against her will.  She never consented to have her body used and her children and killed "over, and over, and over again."  Nyxondra's "sacrifice" was chosen for her by Rheastrasza (and also Alexstrasza), and already supposedly insane due to old god corruption, Rheastrasza's experiments have driven her further into insanity and requires she be euthanized like a sick animal.  Given that Nyxondra doesn't simply lie down and accept her fate, we can surmise she doesn't wish to die and the decision to end her life comes from Rheastrasza.

As I said it's open to interpretation and it could be argued that Rheastrasza meant Nyxondra herself was the sacrifice made for the greater good of the black dragonflight (and Azeroth as a whole).  Either way Nyxondra is still a victim stripped of her consent and bodily autonomy, much like Alexstrasza was in the Second War.  We don't know how many children Nyxondra lost only that, like Alexstrasza, it was many.

So, if Nyxondra didn't make necessary sacrifices, who did?

In the end, it's Rheastrasza who makes conscious sacrifices fully informed of the consequences.  First, her ethics and moral high ground are sacrificed when she imprisons a dragon against her will and then kills many, many children in the name of ultimately curing an entire flight.  Lastly, she sacrifices her life and one of her own eggs to protect Nyxondra's purified egg (which unbeknownst to the player and to Deathwing has been moved to a safer location outside of the Badlands).

It's not clear whether or not Rheastrasza knew she would die.  She certainly knew it was a possibility and the letter she leaves for the player makes it clear she accepted this risk unlike her captive.  Yet, I'm left to wonder if she accepted death not out of a noble sacrifice, but because she felt it might make erase the evil of her actions.  Also, with her death dies the knowledge this cruel experiment existed apart from Alexstrasza and that of the players and the gnome scientist Dr. Hieronymus Blam.  If I were to propose a more sinister theory, perhaps Alexstrasza wanted her to die to help keep the experiments a secret.  We don't know if it was common knowledge among the red dragonflight or other dragonflights.  Certainly all of them would agree ridding the black dragons of their madness is a worthy goal, but I can't imagine Ysera or Kalecgos going along with Nyxondra's torture and then death.  The player, of course, knows as does Dr. Hieronymus Blam, but by forcing us to bloody our hands so severely before explaining the plan to us might have been a bid to buy our silence as well.  If we're to believe ourselves heroes at the end of the day, we'll ultimately have to believe every terrible act we do in the midst of war/potential apocalypse was for the best.

Was it worth it?

Rheastrasza isn't around to know whether or not her and Alexstrasza's plan worked.  The egg Rheastrasza cleansed is Wraithion's and right now the jury is out as to whether or not he's all that different from his father.  The end of the legendary cloak quest certainly makes me think otherwise and leaves the question of just how much of Deathwing's evil was the madness of old gods and how much was his own personality.  Then again, given that Wraithion "escapes" from the red dragonflight to forge his own path, we have to wonder if he knows the truth of his birth and what became of his mother.  If so, he might well be out for revenge and this has in turn motivated him to, like his late half-sister Onyxia, try to influence Azerothian politics in his favor.

Or maybe, like Rheastrasza, he sees a larger picture and feels his manipulation and lies are for the greater good and will ultimately save Azeroth from itself when the next great evil is visited upon us.  How far he'll go to achieve his goals isn't clear, but with Rheastrasza and Alexstrasza defining what sacrifices are necessary and setting the tone, there is the potential for greater evil and horror in our futures.

Continuing the Conversation About Lack of Women in WoW

Note: This post and the previous post are meant to coincide with conversations I'm having on Twitter and more of a means for me to try to vent my frustrations and organize my thoughts in ways I can't with a 140-character limit. Other content will be forthcoming as I get used to blogging again.

Look, I know there'll be women in Warlords of Draenor because we know neither draenei or orcs of old were single gender societies.  I know we'll likely see some of their stories, but what I can't overlook is that in the first bits of promotional information delivered to me via the livestream and the website, the information that's supposed to get me pumped and eager to play the new expansion, is made up of men.  First impressions are important and as first impressions go, this one left me concerned rather than excited.

Here's what I saw when I went to the website for Warlords of Draenor (as of November 20, 2013):

Still not sure they aren't going to be a boyband.

And then as I scroll down to read about the legendary characters I'll get to play alongside, this is what I'm shown:

The great Sleeve Shortage of Draenor was a real problem.

Do you see a trend here?  If you check out the new character models, the only options are limited to male previews so far, though there is some concept art of the female models available.  As I've pointed out, I knew even at seven years old that seeing myself in a game was important to me for reasons I didn't always know or understand, and it's disheartening to see a game in which I can play any gender without penalty and still see the story be mostly about men.

There is a woman featured as part of the artwork on the website, one we've been told by Dave Kosak on Twitter is a draenei named Yrel (pronounced "Yee-rell").  From what little is available about her so far, I do actually have good hopes for her story, both as a woman and as a fan of draenei lore (shhh, don't tell my blood elf characters).  Well, aside from comparing her to Joan of Arc because, uh, we know how well that story turned out for the real Joan of Arc and I don't think the end of Joan's life is the imagery they meant to invoke.

When companies create ad campaigns--and make no mistake, this whole website, the trailer, and all the information at Blizzcon is an ad campaign meant to inform us and encourage us to hand over our monies--they do so with an audience in mind.  In this case, it's very clear the audience Blizzard is aiming for doesn't include me as I'm not a man who does manly things.  This might not be such a big deal if we were talking about a product specifically designed for men, or if WoW's player base was exclusively male or the overwhelming majority was male.  It's not, and in fact nearly half of all gamers are women, to say nothing of the multitude of women players I know and interact with whenever I log into the game.

I can't help but see the website, read the information, and think maybe Blizzard is a little out of touch with their player base.  If their desire is to energize the whole player base and not just a portion, wouldn't it behoove them to include more women?  And when it comes to the sorts of women I want to see, I don't just mean women who are instant bad asses (Just add sword!), but women who are, well, people with complex histories and motivations.  You know, like a lot of the male characters we've had, strong yet vulnerable and capable of overcoming tremendous odds.

Finally, just a little side note here.  I've seen so many people react defensively, even angrily at the suggestion that WoW isn't being inclusive and that there is a real problem with their seeming lack of desire to make women more pertinent to the overall lore of Azeroth.  I want to know why?  What harm is done by asking questions?  What harm is there in requesting Blizzard take our concerns and wishes into consideration?  Why, instead of listening or simply ignoring what is being said, must people loudly proclaim there is no problem and tell those of us participating in this discussion to shut up?  If there's really no problem, or Blizzard ultimately sees no problem, then the game will carry on as it is with no changes.  If the developers agree with the criticism and aim to be more inclusive, it can only benefit the game and encourage more people to play as they'll feel like they have a part in the story, which ultimately means more money and a longer lifespan for WoW.

My posts here and on Twitter are totally voluntary on your part to read, and you can choose to agree a little or not at all.  How does what I and others say interfere with your ability to both play and enjoy the game in any shape or form?  What, exactly, are you afraid is going to happen?

When do I get to see myself?

In 1988 the US version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was released.  I was seven years old and hyped when my parents finally purchased it for me because for the first time I got to choose which character to play as and one of my choices was Princess Peach.  I vividly remember sitting down to play and noticing right off the bat that something was wrong.  You see, each character you chose had a strength and unique ability.  Luigi could jump further than Mario, Toadstool could pull plants out of the ground faster, and Princess Peach could hover in the air for extended periods of time.  However, in terms of physical strength, Princess Peach was the weakest so it took her the longest to pull/pick up items from the ground.  For the sake of game balance, it made sense on the surface, but I remember thinking even at seven years old that the only reason Peach was considered the weakest was because she was a girl.

At the time I remember thinking, "But she's bigger than Toadstool, and she's been kidnapped a lot.  Shouldn't she maybe have learned to defend herself at least a little?"  I always thought of myself as a tough girl back then (still do) so I thought other girls could be tough, especially girls in video games where there were magical items to make you stronger or give you extra powers.  It felt so unfair to me and I know I stopped playing the game for a time because there were levels where it just wasn't good to use Peach because of her weakness, and I was utterly disheartened.  All the boys at school talked about video games and how awesome they were, and I agreed, but I couldn't quite put into words then the disconnect I felt with them, and apart from Super Mario Bros. 3, I mostly distanced myself from video games after that because I was getting the message it wasn't for me.  Even in a game when I could choose a character that was like me, a girl, I was at a disadvantage.

I'd like to say that twenty-five years later, it's better--and it is--but sometimes I feel like I'm still having the same conversations I wasn't able to have at seven.  Times have changed and I can go into a game like Dragon Age or Mass Effect and choose to play a female character without suffering any sort of penalty in terms of abilities or story (apart from maybe who I can romance in the first Dragon Age), and I certainly can play a female of any race in World of Warcraft without penalty.  Yet, it's when I look at the NPCs who are shaping the story in which I'm a participant that I start to feel that disconnect again.

At Blizzcon when the Warlords of Draenor expansion was announced, I was excited.  I get to see the characters I loved in Rise of the Horde, and I get to see them without the taint of fel corruption.  Yet, the more I looked at the information given, and then the time I spent on the website, I saw right away that gee, there's a lot of men listed, many of whom we already know at least in one timeline, but where are all the women?  We've been told there's a new woman on the scene, a draenei named Yrel who we're told will be a bad ass, and I'm eager to see her, but I wondered about the established characters we have who should by all rights be taking part in this next chapter.

It niggled at me, bugging me even amid the jokes of "Hot Orc Dads" and the "Orc Boyband."  Then I read Chris Metzen's (possibly off-the cuff) statement that "The honeymoon's over. [Warlords] is a boy's trip," when asked about Aggra's participation.  And while I firmly believe in my heart of hearts Metzen didn't intend to be exclusionary, he was exclusionary in this bit of casual sexism.  Yet again I'm told, "This is a boy's hobby in which we tolerate your presence."

So as I do, I voice concern over Twitter and immediately I'm accused of participating in "gender wars," whatever those are.  Also that I'm not giving them enough time, that I should wait and see, never mind that when the beta launches, the main course of the story will be set and about all that can really be altered is the dialogue if we're being honest as any attempt to put in a different character (with a different model and animations) will take additional time and stall launch.  As if the game isn't nine years old with a history of disappearing women, or using them to make the men look like rational, well thought out leaders.  I'm told I want to control the story, that I should quit playing if it makes me angry (which, angry?  No, disheartened, disappointed, and annoyed, yes, but anger means I step away and say nothing, even though anger would be a valid response to feeling left out yet again).  Never mind that I love the story, the characters, and the game itself, one that I spend several hours per week on playing with friends or solo.  I'm told this is Blizzard's creation and that they have all the say in it, or that I must want to put in token characters into the story (because asking for Jaina, Tyrande, Aggra, etc. is asking for a token character?).  We'll kindly ignore that in the past Blizzard has reacted positively to such feedback and altered what they could to be less offensive/more inclusive, and that their creation is something they'd like me to keep paying for so it's in their best interest to listen to such criticism when it's coming from a good chunk of their player base.  In short, I'm told in every which way but directly to just shut up and accept this.

But I can't just shut up and let it be because inside of me I remember being seven years old and all the ways in which I was disappointed with my favorite game franchise.  Then I get further upset to see that twenty-five years later I still apparently have to make a case for my right to not only to participate, but to see people like me on my game screen.  Even beyond that, as someone who loves the written word and stories, it's kind of galling to see how a well developed character is seemingly dropped once she's paired off with a male, doubly so after she becomes a mother.  It's saddening to watch solid character development given to someone like Lor'themar (who I adore and have loved to see come to the fore this expansion) only to watch Tyrande given lessons in patience by Varian Wrynn of all people.

I don't expect perfection, and there will always be screw ups in terms of representation because, as of yet, the developers have yet to become infallible beings incapable of making mistakes.  In spite of insinuations otherwise, I don't want to be the one to tell the story and I don't want creative control, I just want to feel like I'm part of this community and not a visitor whose simply allowed the privilege of playing in a boy's domain, and I'm not even getting into the lack of queer representation or people of color.

I could sit here and link to articles about how under representation in various forms of media hurts us, or that recent studies have shown television shows with a diverse cast in terms of gender and ethnicity are getting higher ratings (and it would make sense that sort of success could easily be seized upon by video games).  I could tell you that children's self-esteem goes down the more TV they watch, unless that child is white and male and the reason for this is that white male characters make up the majority of lead roles in children's programming.  (And if it has that strong of an effect on children, how do you think it colors adults' perceptions of the world and ourselves?)  I could talk about how in 2011 women only made up 33% of roles in the top 100 grossing films (PDF) and how that number becomes depressingly lower when you focus only on women of color.  I could tell you these are all reasons I think we need to see more women in Warlords of Draenor, that we need to see them in the artwork and to be told more than one woman will play a role in the story to come, but the fact of the matter is I never get that far.  I never get to tell people this because the moment I start to talk about this, I'm drowned out by those who like the status quo or seem somehow threatened by the mere suggestion that something they love isn't perfect or inclusive.  I'm ignored in favor of being called too angry, too emotional, or of wasting my energy on something as insignificant as a video game when there are real problems in the world as if I can't care for both at the same time.  I'm ignored because it's not "[female character's] time" or it's "too soon" to have this talk, but no one seems to be able to tell me when the right time is.

Twenty-five years later, in the year two thousand and thirteen, and I'm still waiting to see myself in the games I love to play.

My Traumatic Event is Not Your Fucking Punchline

This post contains descriptions of sexual assault and rape and I am applying massive Trigger Warnings for this reason.  Also, comments will be turned off for this as I will not entertain any sort of debate or discussion on this matter.  Do not contact me privately if your intention is to play Devil's Advocate or to try and convince me rape "jokes" are totally funny and I'm being unreasonable/overly sensitive, etc.  You will be blocked and ignored.

Tonight, during a Twitter Raid event, someone (who did apologize after I called them out, hence why they remain unnamed) said, "And Rageface leaps on you and rapes your face."  This turned my already borderline mood sour and even though the person apologized and no one spoke up to say anything sarcastic, it reminded me of something I wrote last year after I left a guild over the GM making some heinous rape jokes and then telling me not to "start shit" when I made an effort to point out she was being an asshole.  (Yes, she, and the others joining in the jokes were also women.  Internalized sexism and misogyny is a hell of a drug.)  I'm quoting myself and re-posting here because sometimes I think people need to know what it is they're doing when they make rape jokes.

I want to talk about how rape jokes aren’t funny, and drop a whole bunch of links about how jokes like that empower rapists, make them think it’s no big deal.  I want to quote every feminist and/or survivor who’s ever talked about rape more eloquently than I ever could.
Instead I’m sitting here shaking remembering what it was like to sit on that couch in a so-called friend’s apartment.  To feel someone’s hands on my body and my stomach is churning because I really don’t want to be there, but I’m too scared to say no (I never said yes either).   

Instead I’m remembering being cornered in the hallway at school and forced to endure having my breasts touched when I didn’t want them to be.  I remember the boy who threatened to stab me because I was going to kick him for touching me in the park.  I’m seeing someone’s penis I didn’t ask to see, and it’s erect though I’m too young to understand what that means only to have the realization dawn on me years later when I’m sexually active for the first time.   

He was aroused and wanted me to touch it.  

These were all separate instances.  And someone—more than one someone out there thinks each of them are funny.  The reasons I want to go into the bathroom right now and puke and cry are someone’s punchline.

Yes, these are incidents from my life.  What's sad is that too many other women reading this have lived through similar or worse experiences.  One in six of us have in the United States.  And we must live each and every day in a culture that likes to pretend rape isn't a big deal, or that actively encourages and empowers rapists by allowing seemingly innocuous statements slip under the radar day after day after day.

You don't rape bosses in raid.  You aren't raped by that mob that caused you to wipe.  The only thing that is akin to rape or even like rape is rape.  You're trivializing heinous acts perpetuated by real-life monsters and are normalizing such behavior by treating it like it's no big deal.

There is nothing funny about rape.  Nothing.  If you're making rape jokes and people are laughing, one of them might be a rapist and he thinks you're on his side. You're telling him it's okay for him to rape.  It may be the last thing you're hoping to accomplish with your jokes, but that's what you're doing.

Words have power whether or not I proclaim they do/ do not.  Language isn't as benign as some like to say, and even if you disagree that there's no such thing as a funny rape joke, you can hopefully agree that if someone says those statements make them uncomfortable the decent thing to do is to shut the fuck up, apologize, and find different subject/more appropriate and accurate metaphor.

Blizzard Has a Problem With Women

A note before we begin: Given that the term "Women in Refrigerators" originated in relation to comics, it should be obvious that this problem is not unique to World of Warcraft or Blizzard.  In fact, in nearly every form of popular media the same tropes play out for women over and over again.  I could rant about Lucy's fate in the Assassin's Creed series, or Tara's tragic end in season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer; however, this blog is about World of Warcraft and as such it'll focus on Blizzard and World of Warcraft's treatment of women characters.  Aside from that, the idea that Blizzard not being the only one who treats its women characters this way neither absolves them of their (unintended) misogyny or excuses it.

Also:

You've been warned.

I'm tacking on a spoiler warning for both Horde and Alliance quests in Krasarang Wilds from Mists of Pandaria, plus a small-but-important spoiler for Tides of War.  And there are possibly other spoilers, though I'm not sure how I can spoil any lore dating as far back as Burning Crusade.

Introduction

What did you say about childbirth?

It's tough to be a woman in Azeroth, and I don't mean the fact you're likely to die from the ground splitting open under your feet, a demon burning you to ash, having your brains feasted upon by a zombie, or being burned alive by a massive dragon aspect with a few axes to grind.  No, if you're a woman in World of Warcraft, particularly one who is an important NPC or related to an important male NPC in any fashion, it's probably a wise idea to invest in some quality life insurance policies, especially if you're pregnant (Aggra might be in danger).  And that's if you're given any recognition at all.

The story usually goes like this: There's a male character in need of some development, whether it be that he's had it pretty good for some time and needs a little tragedy, or he needs motivation to perform one heroic act or finally gather the courage to take out the big bad.  All too often the way this is accomplished is by taking out the closest female character to the male.  It happens with such frequency that feminist fans have coined a term for it: Fridging or "stuffed into a refrigerator," which is derived from Gail Simone's "Women in Refrigerators" website.  Obviously, there are no refrigerators in Azeroth (or at least not any that run on electricity), but there are a considerable number of women who meet tragic ends and/or are dis-empowered so that their male counterparts can go on to do things that impact the plot in a major way up to and including saving the day.

This isn't to say that male NPCs are immune to dying in Azeroth, which would be a rather silly argument as Malygos, Illidan, and Arthas among others have all met their ends.  However, the difference lies mostly in how they die and that women are dying at a disproportionate rate.  And sometimes it's not only that the women die, it's that they disappear after serving a single-use purpose never to be mentioned again.  Some women who by all rights should be important are never even given names.

Who's that Lady?

Kael'thas Sunstrider, Jaina Proudmoore, and Varian Wrynn all have something in common, and it's nothing remotely related to lore.  All three are rather important lore-wise and have had a hand in shaping the story of World of Warcraft.  We know a bit about their fathers who each had stories of their own to tell, but can you tell me anything about their mothers?  In fact, can you name their mothers?

A face only a mother could love?

What's so strange about Kael'thas, Jaina, and Varian is that we don't know who their mothers were.  We assume they have mothers because, as of yet, none of the NPCs have sprung from the foreheads or thighs of their fathers fully formed, but we lack any names for them.  In Varian's case we do know the name of one grandmother, yet we have nothing for his mother.  Meanwhile we know something of their fathers, and you'd think being the wife of King Llane Wrynn, Anasterian Sunstrider, or Daelin Proudmoore you might be mentioned somewhere in the annals of history.  Truly it makes no sense for royalty not to keep explicitly detailed records of bloodlines, if for nothing else than keeping track of who might be able to inherit the throne in case of a massive tragedy that wipes out a large swath of those of royal blood (and if you look at what happened to the Sin'dorei/blood elves this is actually a pretty valid concern on Azeroth).

Jaina's case is particularly frustrating, not only because she's a woman herself and it might be nice to see another woman struggling to be a leader (or at least a member of nobility) in a world dominated by male leaders she could be close to, but because Jaina herself doesn't seem to remember having a mother at all.

She was the daughter of the lord admiral, and her brother had once quipped that the Proudmoores all had seawater in their veins.  A hint of melancholy touched her as she thought of her father and brother.  She lingered for a moment longer, remembering, then turned from the window. - Tides of War, Chapter 5, pp 47

She thinks of her brother and father, yet not her mother.  It's possible she never knew her mother as she could have died when Jaina was young, or died during childbirth (which, as we'll see, happens to a lot of Azerothian women), but as she's never so much as mentioned by name, that's difficult to say.  Of course being a mother with a name is not so great either.

A Purposeless Life

Arthas Menethil is perhaps one of the most important characters in World of Warcraft.  In fact, there's an entire expansion that centers around his story and his corruption and subsequent transformation into the Lich King.  His mother is Lianne Menethil and, apart from giving birth to Arthas, appears to have no purpose whatsoever.  We're not even sure what happened to her and, according to Wowpedia, Metzen said at Blizzcon 2011 that Lianne likely died during the Third War.  That's it.  Nothing on how she met her end, or what might have killed her.

Another important woman in Arthas's life was his sister Calia Menethil.  Calia appears to have only been introduced for the purpose of arranging a marriage to Daval Prestor, the human disguise of Deathwing.  When he disappeared, so too did Calia, and we're left with only speculation as to what her fate is.  Apart from a vague thought from Arthas on how his sister is "gone," she's not even served up as grief fodder for her brother.  Like mother, like daughter, but who cares when we've got an awesome male character, right?

Elena Mograine, mother to Renault and Darion Morgraine, seems to only have existed long enough to produce children.  She died giving birth to Darion and, apart from providing a tombstone for her husband Alexandros to talk to in the first Ashbringer comic, has nothing further to do with the plot.

Gone and not...okay, she's forgotten.

Maybe Having a Purpose isn't All it's Cracked Up to Be

I found it in this bag...

Sometimes the death does serve a purpose.  Remember how I said often a woman close to a male character is chosen to die tragically so as to impact the male character in some fashion?  A perfect example of that is Tiffin Wrynn, wife to Varian Wrynn and mother to Anduin Wrynn.  She's killed by a stray rock thrown during the Stonemason's riot, and her death has fairly strong implications for both Varian and Anduin.  For Varian, Tiffin's death threw him into a decade-long deep depression, during which he was manipulated by Onyxia and eventually kidnapped.  For Anduin, her death has a more indirect effects such as Varian's depression and subsequent disappearance, which in turns makes Anduin's life pretty miserable.  He was forced to grow up too fast and when he was named King of Stormwind temporarily at only ten years old to say nothing of his father's anger management issues which place a huge amount of strain on their relationship.  Indeed in Mists of Pandaria he seems far wiser and more mature than his fourteen years.

Of course, it isn't always male characters who need the occasional nudge toward an important character development, but even then it seems women must be the ones to die.  In Tides of War, we're introduced to Kinndy, a spunky, smart-mouthed gnome who's been assigned to be Jaina Proudmoore's apprentice.  Naturally, Kinndy is endearing and many of us who read the books figured out early on she was probably wearing a red shirt underneath her mage robes (because Blizzard tends to be predictable).  Kinndy dies in the bombing of Theramore, and it's her death that finally sends Jaina Proudmoore into an uncharacteristic genocidal rage.

Kinndy lay face down in a still puddle of her own blood.  The crimson stain had tainted her pink hair, matting it, and Jaina realized she wanted to plop Kinndy into a hot bath and help her scrub herself clean, get her a fresh new robe-- 

She fell to her knees and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, to turn her over.  Kinndy's body crumbled into shining violet dust. 

Jaina screamed. 

She screamed in utter horror, frantically gathering up the crystalline powder that was all that remained of a smart, lively young woman.  She screamed in loss, in grief, in guilt, and then most of all, in rage. 

Rage at the Horde.  Rage at Garrosh Hellscream, rage at those who followed him.  Rage at Baine Bloodhoof, who had warned her but had nonetheless permitted this to happen.  Had perhaps known this was going to happen. 

[...]

[She encounters some orcs not far from Kinndy's body and dispatches them with some magical bad-assery.] 

"Your people are despicable cowards," she hissed.  "You are nothing more than rabid dogs, and you should be put down.  You spit on mercy?  Then you will have none.  You want carnage?  Garrosh will get more blood than ever he bargained for." 

Then, with a savage cry, she brought the shard of mirror down into the small space between the orc's gorget and his shoulder armor.  Blood spurted up, covering her hand, splashing her face. - Tides of War, Chapter 19, pp 220, 222

The last thing those orcs saw.

Not long after, Jaina calls for the deaths of all orcs, including children.  She makes the case for genocide and the elimination of every orc in existence (don't worry, she gets better).  Leaving aside how incredibly out-of-character this is for Jaina, the entire reason for this is because of the tragic death of a woman she was close to, one who was almost like a daughter to her.  Also lost in bombing was her elf companion Pained, another woman, though it's really Kinndy's death that affects her with such intensity.  (Don't worry, I'm going to mention Rhonin.)

Compare and Contrast

As I said, it's not only that women are dying at a rate disproportionate to male characters in World of Warcraft, it's also how men died compared to women.  For the gnome Kinndy, death is something that happens to her while she's helping to close the gates to Theramore.  Granted, plenty of men died in Theramore too, but we're not privy to their lives and stories the same way we are Kinndy and Jaina.  But there is another important character death in Tides of War: Rhonin.

Rhonin goes into his death fully aware of what's about to happen.  Unlike Kinndy and Pained who were caught unaware in the bomb's blast, Rhonin makes a conscious decision to draw the bomb toward him in a tower that's infused with magical wards.  His decision helps lessen the impact of the mana bomb, allows Jaina to be pulled through a portal just in time, and contains the bomb enough that his wife and mother of his twins are at a safe enough distance to survive the blast.  His death is a courageous self-sacrifice while Kinndy is collateral damage and angst fodder for Jaina.

One powerful and very recent example of this difference in deaths takes place in Mists of Pandaria in the Krasarang Wilds quest-line.  Horde side you encounter the Sunwalkers, Dezco and Leza at Thunder Cleft who have come to Pandaria to find the source of a vision Leza had (that you later know is the Vale of Eternal Blossoms).  Alliance side you meet Lorekeeper Vaeldrin and his daughter Lyalia who are based at the Incursion and are there in search of the Pools of Youth.

Dual-Wielding Babies

For the Horde part of things, your time is spent not only investigating the Mogu, but also gathering items to try to help Leza through a difficult childbirth.  The entire time you're there, she can be seen inside the tent apparently in labor.  Despite your hard work and Dezco's valiant efforts, Leza dies due to complications from childbirth, but not before she gives birth to a pair of healthy twin sons.  Once you're treated to a cut scene of some mourners building a pyre for Leza, you see Dezco tending to his new sons.  When you turn in the quest he tells you his wife has passed despite his powers of the Light and, "Thanks to your help, however...we saved my sons."  Afterward, whenever you encounter Dezco he's carrying his twin sons around and hardly mentions Leza again.  Like Elena Mograine, Leza is here only long enough to provide her husband with children (sons).

On the Alliance side of things, Lorekeeper Vaeldrin has come to Pandaria in search of the Pools of Youth.  With him is his daughter Lyalia who gets you to help deal with a Horde courier and to check out what the Mogu are up to while her father is distracted by pretty artifacts.  At the end of the quest line, Lyalia dies in a confrontation with a powerful Mogu.  Blaming himself for being so insistent on looking for the secret to immortality, Vaeldrin ends up using the magic he's discovered to transfer his life force to his daughter, thus sacrificing himself so that she can live.

Leza dies in childbirth while Vaeldrin makes a heroic sacrifice to save his daughter.  Again the difference between death happening to a character and the character making an active choice to lay down his life.  In fact, after watching Leza die on my first playthrough of Krasarang Wilds, I was inspired to make this post.

It's Not You, It's the Patriarchy (and Male Privilege)

Why are women more likely to be sacrificed for the sake of telling a (supposedly) good story?  The answer is...it's complicated.  I made a little note at the beginning of this that this isn't a problem unique to Blizzard, and in every form of entertainment it's easy to see this played out over and over again.  From television shows like Supernatural (a series whose entire story starts with the death of a wife and mother) to songs like Tim McGraw's "Don't Take the Girl" (where a woman is put in danger of being robbed and potentially raped and then maybe dies in childbirth) to video games like World of Warcraft women die and/or are threatened with death on a regular basis, usually so their male counterparts can save the day or experience some sort of character development.  It's in our culture, a culture we eat, sleep, and breathe in every single day of our existence.

What's most depressing about all of this is that I know none of it's intentional, at least not on Blizzard's part.  In fact, many people don't realize what's happening until someone either points it out by writing about it and drawing attention to the matter, or they have an epiphany like I and other players did.  None of the writers or developers are sitting around an office with a list of all female characters in World of Warcraft gleefully cackling while asking themselves, "Which women do we kill off today and how?"  Chances are they're writing the stories and it never occurs to them to ask why this woman or that woman has to die.  In fact, in the world of video games, many are still dominated by men who never have to ask themselves these questions by benefit of their male privilege.  As men characters are rarely subjected to the same sort of treatment as female characters, at least on a regular basis, it's not really a problem to them.

One of Bioware's lead writers observed this phenomenon and wrote about it on his Tumblr just the other day regarding a situation in which the female writers on staff read a particular situation as rape whereas the men never saw it until it was pointed out to them.

Here’s the thing: after the meeting was over, it struck me how sharply divided the reviewers were on gender lines. The guys involved, all reasonable and liberal-minded fellows I assure you (including me!) all automatically took the intended viewpoint of the author and didn’t see the issue. The girls had all taken the other side of the encounter, and saw it completely differently— all of them. As soon as it was pointed out, it was obvious… but why hadn’t we seen it?

And this thought occurred as well: if this had been a team with no female perspective present, it would have gone into the game that way. Had that female writer been the lone woman, would her view have been disregarded as an over-reaction? A lone outlier? How often does that happen on game development teams, ones made up of otherwise intelligent and liberal guys who are then shocked to find out that they inadvertently offended a group that is quickly approaching half of the gaming audience?

What if there were more women on Blizzard's staff?  What if a woman one day at a writing meeting asked the simple question of, "Why does she have to die?" or "Why can't we find another way to inspire this character?"  Would we know of Darion's love for his amazing mother Elena Mograine who might have done nothing more than feed her son chicken soup when he was sick?  Would Jaina mourn the loss of a mother who taught her how to speak to a court full of men intent on ignoring her?  Could Onyxia have manipulated and played Varian like she did had Tiffin still been alive?

Blizzard does have a problem with women, but it's not borne out of some maliciousness on their part.  Really it's a lack of perspective and an issue of privilege blinding them to many issues with the way women are portrayed in their game.  One simple solution to this would be to do as Bioware has done and hire more women, or at least make it so that women are given a voice and are actually heard.

So What's the Point?

I'm sure more than one person will read this and immediately feel defensive of their beloved World of Warcraft, and it's understandable.  It sucks when someone criticizes something you love to do.  I've had to suffer through the derisive snorts of family members saying I'm wasting my time on a stupid computer game.  

But just because I love something doesn't make it perfect and immune from criticism, and in fact it's because I love World of Warcraft that I write entries like this.  Duke Nukem Forever had way more blatant sexism and misogyny and I'm not writing about it because I think it's both a crappy game and not worth the energy it would take to improve it which involves nuking it from orbit.  World of Warcraft is different in that it's a fantastic game that I feel could handle a bit of tweaking in its portrayal and treatment of women.

And still I expect there'll be someone to skim over this post and will write down the name of every male character who has died since the original Warcraft and tell me I'm being a hysterical harpy.  Or something.  

We are Nihilists, Lebowski!

Either way they'll ignore how and why the women die compared to the men, and possibly ignore that the male characters see more screen time and action than the women, which means there's a different impact when the woman dies.

Further Reading/Watching

Feminist Frequency - #2 Women in Refrigerators (Tropes Versus Women) [Video] (This focuses mostly on comic books, but also includes some examples of video games and does a great job of pointing out the trend.  In fact, I recommend all the Feminist Frequency videos.)

The TV Tropes entry on Women in Refrigerators - Oh, I'm sorry, were you planning to do something productive after reading here?  (Seriously, has some good links and examples.  Check out the page for women who die in childbirth too.)

Next time: Sylvanas, Tyrande, and dis-empowerment.