Folami's Guide to Roleplaying for Noobs (Part 1.5)

Part One: Folami's Rules for Character Creation (continued)

We've talked about ways to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed and how it's important to start small when creating a character.  By this point you've probably been perusing some websites I linked to in the previous post and have done at least a minimal amount of reading about your chosen race's history and have a general understanding of what's currently happening story-wise in World of Warcraft itself.  You at least have a vague idea of the type of character you want to play, or maybe you already know their personality type and favorite color.  Now's the time to ask bigger questions such as where your character was born and why they fight (or don't fight, as the case may be), and it's time to flesh them out more beyond the simplistic "good" versus "bad" person you envision, which brings us to rule number five.

Rule #5: Keep it simple.

In your travels through Azeroth, you are going to encounter a multitude of player characters, many of whom have written veritable novellas for their characters' backgrounds.  They can tell you in infinitesimal detail what their characters were doing at any point in Azeroth's lengthy history and can account for every major life event as if they'd lived it themselves.  Their character ate a tuna sandwich on rye for lunch the day Deathwing came, and the most description you've come up with is to say that your character grew up in Silvermoon like a million other blood elves you've seen. Don't get discouraged by this because it doesn't mean you're a bad roleplayer, it only means you're either new or just a different sort of roleplayer who doesn't need to write a paragraph for every year of adult life on Azeroth.

Be the hero Stormwind deserves.

Another thing to keep in mind while you discover other roleplayers and their characters is that you're new to this and most of them are not.  Some of the people you encounter have at least a couple of expansions under their belt and have had the opportunity to put quite a few miles on their characters in terms of experience.  The vast majority of those backgrounds have been edited over the years to reflect some of the roleplay they've done, or the people who created a character a week ago have been playing so long that they have a good enough grasp of the lore that they can use it to their advantage.  Practice won't necessarily make perfect, but over time you'll find it easier and easier to update or add to your character's history, or to make up an entirely new character.

It's certainly understandable if you want to have a detailed history, but having one isn't a requirement to start roleplaying.  Also, as someone new to roleplaying and/or new to WoW, I'm going to suggest you do not try to line up your character's history with as many major events as possible.  Remember how I said to start small?  Focus on what's happening currently in the expansion.  What is the most recent thing that's happened that your character could have either participated in or reacted to?  Start there and then think about the personality questions we asked ourselves earlier.  Why is your character suspicious of new people?  What might have happened to make them this way?  Don't worry about making a cliché character (i.e. the angst-ridden, brooding loner) or that you're guilty of an overused trope (their parents died tragically).  For one, fantasy in general is full of clichés and overused tropes.  It's how you spin them and make them yours that makes it interesting.  Secondly, remember you can go back and change whatever you don't like and not every idea you have has to go into the finished product.  This isn't like baking a cake, and it is totally possible to go back and remove the eggs from your "batter" and still be tasty.  (I may be a little hungry while writing this.)

Consider generic events that could have happened in any life.  A child who grew up in Stormwind is still going to have fallen down and skinned their knee at some point, and even orc children have to do chores.  Maybe your mage "accidentally" set their homework on fire when they forgot about an assignment, or your rogue once fell out of a tree their mother had told them not to climb and broke their leg.  It's possible to give your character depth and personality by adding in things to their history that aren't tied to any major event within Azeroth.  For example, I had a dwarf shaman who didn't participate in much of anything in Azeroth's recent history until Cataclysm, which made sense for a member of the Wildhammer clan.  At the time I wasn't terribly familiar with dwarf lore, but I knew her personality as someone who was a healer first and fighter second.  In her background I included a little sentence that said she got her start by bringing home injured animals and, with the elements' aid, healed them.  That little tidbit offered quite a bit of insight into both her past and her personality, and it didn't involve her running off to lay low the enemies of the Alliance.

There's a story here,
but I'm not telling it now.

Whatever history you come up with, no matter how detailed or vague, remember that you don't have to share it with anyone right away.  The reason we think about a background and personality is to help us get to know our characters and try to figure out how they'll react to the situations encountered in your roleplay.  In real life you don't meet a person and immediately tell them your life story and all your hopes and dreams (or at least I hope you don't).  The same applies in roleplay.  While it's likely you'll take advantage of an add-on like MRP or TRP2 which give you space to write out some history, it's not required that you share everything there.  Even if you do, good roleplayers will have their characters be ignorant of who you are and what you've done while you're sitting in the tavern chatting over a mug of ale unless your character directly mentions something pertinent from their history.  (In some cases, they may whisper you out of character and say something along the lines of "Hey, I noticed your character was in X and I was wondering if maybe my character might think you look familiar?"  This is totally fine and even encouraged.  You don't have to say yes, but it can lead to some interesting interaction if you do.)  However, none of this means you have to divulge the tragic event in your priests's life that made them want to be a healer on the battlefield, or about the drunken bet your warrior made with a friend that landed them on a one-way trip to Booty Bay.  These are all things your character can talk about later, once they feel safe enough to share it with the people they consider friends, or maybe you quietly snicker to yourself from behind your keyboard while your friends roleplay trying to get your character to open up about their past.

Finally, know the roleplay you do will take place in the present.  Just as events in your real life have molded you and shaped your personality into who you are today, it doesn't necessarily define you.  Play your character in the present and remember the past isn't always going to be relevant to your story.  Not every other sentence you type in /say has to be, "By the way, my parents are dead!" followed by emoted sobbing.  Your character can be as sad or happy as you want, but you should also be reacting and interacting to the people around you.

Rule #6: Don't panic about mistakes.

You are going to screw up.  Whether it's confusing Illidan with Kil'jaeden or thinking it's totally reasonable for a troll to openly stroll through Stormwind, you're going to do or say something entirely wrong in roleplay.  Maybe it won't be something so obvious, but there's going to come a time when someone will poke at your MRP profile, or read a story you've written and tell you it's not possible.

Don't beat yourself up.  You didn't always know how to construct a sentence.  It took time and a teacher to show you how to do it, and even now you still make grammatical errors or forget that whole "I before E" thing.  I hope when that happens you laugh at those mistakes and correct them, and then move on from it.  Same rules will apply to roleplay.  If you get a timeline of events wrong, or mess up a bit of geography, it's fine.  Remember rule #1 and how I pointed out just how many millions of words of lore there are to read?  Nobody has a handle on it all and even the experts make mistakes, or at the very least have to go look something up.  Don't worry, after the initial embarrassment wears off, you'll be talking with your friends one day and say, "Hey, remember that time I thought Varian was Jaina's father?  That was hilarious and kind of disturbing!"

Corollary to Rule #6: If your mistakes hurt someone, apologize.

Other mistakes you make won't be so funny, and sometimes you can upset other roleplayers by something you say or do in character.  Apologize if you hurt or offend another player.  Full stop.  I'm going into this guide assuming you're not actively trolling your server's roleplay community and that you aren't going to intentionally make an offensive character or spout racist/sexist/homophobic bullshit in /say.  As you are a person who endeavors to be nice and inclusive, please remember that sometimes we slip up and say things we don't realize are hurtful or offensive to others.  It's important to be kind and to take the time to say you're sorry if this happens if the person is willing to hear your apology.  (Don't track a person down and apologize if they leave or otherwise indicate they don't wish to communicate with you directly.  Take your lumps and try to do better next time.)

We'll talk more about roleplaying controversial or sensitive subject matter and in character versus out of character behavior in another part, but for now if a person comes to you with an issue important to them, please try to hear them out.  There are people who will troll; however, the majority of people who speak up, even if they're angry with you, should be listened to.  With any mistake you make, learn from them and try not to repeat it.

Rule #7: Don't steal characters from other sources.

You are not Batman.

Inspiration comes in many forms, and often we find it via the many sources of media we read/watch/listen to.  It's fine if you want to crib some notes from your favorite book or movie character, but take care not to steal an entire character.  To use an example, Harry Dresden is a powerful wizard in his books' version of Chicago.  In Azeroth, he'd be a terrible mage.  Now, if you wanted to make a human mage that has a staff with flame-colored runes that light up when used like Harry's, that's totally fine and is definitely plausible.  You could even have fun experimenting with different weapon enchants to see which animation comes close to making it look like your staff is actually on fire (only if you're not already using that staff for end-game PvE or PvP content, of course; end-game enchants are expensive).

Other roleplayers look down on those who try to bring characters from other genres into Azeroth going so far as to outright ignore them and tell their friends to avoid them, and all for very good reasons.  By now I'm sure you've noticed creating a character for roleplay takes effort and time.  All that time and effort goes into designing our characters inside and out and making them our own.  Stealing characters whole cloth from someone else smacks of laziness and it makes you look boring and unimaginative which means your character would make for a very boring roleplay experience.  If you really want to play Sephiroth, there are online forums and websites where you can do that.  If you want to roleplay as a denizen of Azeroth, work with the resources at your disposal and make a character that's your own.  It's far more rewarding and you won't be restricted by predefined characteristics derived from the source material.

Oh, and if you think your character is obscure enough that no one will know? Remember, we're all geeks and nerds here and odds are someone is going to recognize who you're copying.

Rule #8: Have fun.

Whatever it is you want to do in Azeroth, whether it's raiding, doing challenge modes, or spending endless hours in Alterac Valley yelling at the people who fight in the middle of the road, the goal when we log in is to have fun.  At the end of the day, whatever story unfolds in the course of your roleplay, it's important to remember it's supposed to be entertaining.  If something isn't working out for you or your character, step back and try to figure out what the problem is.  Talk to your roleplay friends and brainstorm some ideas, but don't try to force yourself if something is making you uncomfortable.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, a character or a story idea simply doesn't pan out.  That doesn't mean you're bad or even that the character was bad, it just means it didn't work as intended.  Roleplay is flexible and forgiving, and whatever happens know that you can always try again and reinvent your character.  It won't always be easy and there will be days that are more fun than others, but as long as you still have the desire to keep coming back, that's what matters.

That's it for the rules, but there's way more to talk about!

Now that I've laid out some of my basic rules for character creation, and why it's important to keep it simple and to have fun, we're ready to write our character.  But how on Azeroth do you even begin putting it all together?  Well, in the next post I'm going to show you how I do it and offer a few tips that might help you finally put your character idea into a format you can share with other players. After that will be a post with tips on how to best utilize an add-on like MRP to enhance your in-game roleplay.  And further along the road we'll talk about the types of roleplay and how to go about actually interacting in-game as your character.

Folami's Guide to Roleplaying for Noobs (Part 1)

Introduction

As I write this, we're in the dreaded between-expansion lull.  Mist of Pandaria's story is over and Warlords of Draenor has been announced, but we're possibly weeks away from a beta and several months from a launch date.  In this quiet time when we're not panicking over the forthcoming class and talent changes—well, OK, most of us aren't panicking yet—I started to reflect upon my early days in Azeroth back when I foolishly believed I would never be anything other than a roleplayer in World of Warcraft.  I remember how exciting and terrifying those first days were, and as I came to WoW specifically to roleplay, I've been thinking about all the advice I wish I'd been given back then and the resources I had no idea existed.  Now, with two expansions under my belt and quite a bit of wisdom gained from experience, I thought it would be both fun and helpful to share that wisdom with the future roleplayers of Azeroth.  After all, new players are what keeps the game and story alive, and it's important to me that those of us already here make the community as welcoming and helpful as possible.

Whether you've never roleplayed once in your life or you're coming to the game with years of roleplay experience, this guide should help you get started roleplaying in WoW.  I'll walk you through the very basics of character creation and offer tips on how to navigate the lore and narrow down the information that's pertinent to your character(s).  Once we've covered the basics, we'll go on to discuss how to find a guild and/or a roleplay partner(s) and what to watch out for in terms of negative or outright abusive roleplaying situations.  Included will be links to many resources for lore, support, and other roleplaying guides.

This guide is not intended to be the "gospel truth" for roleplaying, and it's fine if it doesn't work for you.  Nothing is ever set in stone and roleplay is not one-size-fits all.  Again, I'll be linking to as many resources and guides as I can uncover so that even if my guide doesn't help, perhaps I can at least lead you to one that can.  One of the most important things to remember is that this is supposed to be fun.  If my guide does nothing else for you than to lead you toward avenues that makes your game play experience more enjoyable, then I'll consider it a resounding success.

With that said,  Lok'tar ogar, friend!  Let's get those creative gears cranking!

Part One: Folami's Rules for Character Creation

I know, I said nothing was set in stone—and it isn't—but there are some things I feel I have to put my foot down and say are necessary.  Don't worry, it's not what you think.

Rule #1: Don't get overwhelmed.

Who are all these people, anyway?

World of Warcraft is an expansive universe, and the game's story is built upon a foundation shoddily cemented in the original Warcraft real-time strategy games.  World of Warcraft itself is nine years old and we're about to enter into a fifth expansion.  According to a recently released info-graphic (link goes to a large image), there are roughly six million words of in-game text. And that's just in the game and doesn't include the many novels and comics that are considered canon.  Even for the most ardent bibliophile, that's a lot of reading and let's face it, you still need to have time to sleep, eat, and work.

But don't worry, you don't have to read several million words of quest text and even more of the books (some of which will are really crappy depending upon what sort of reader you are).  It's perfectly fine if you don't obsessively read every bit of quest text or don't complete every single quest in a zone.  Sure, it's perfectly fine if you do decide to do that, but you don't have to.  Furthermore, it's important to keep in mind that in Cataclysm, many quest zones in Azeroth changed and new quests were added in while others were taken away.  This means that questing, while certainly informative for many aspects of the lore, can be confusing and difficult to navigate, especially as you shift gears from expansion to expansion.  And I won't go into the fact that there are parts of the lore that directly contradict one another, which no newcomer should be expected to know or understand right out the gate.

"Don't let this guy give you directions."
And other jokes you'll get after you
learn more lore.

There are people out there who have an encyclopedic knowledge of Warcraft lore, but keep in mind some of those people get paid by Blizzard to know this stuff or that they've been playing in Azeroth since the first Warcraft game was released or since Vanilla WoW.  You are not them and you don't have to be.  You can jump into character creation without having to spend several weeks or months researching every aspect of lore.  I know because I did it, and while I definitely have a better handle on lore than I did three years ago and have read several of the most recent novels, I still haven't delved into every tidbit of the Warcraft universe and I have no desire to.  And there is no way in hell you'll make me read more of Knaak's writing unless, apparently, if it's for a podcast (shameful self promotion, go!).

That said, this does not mean you can just make up anything you want and other people will go along with it.  I said character creation and roleplay for beginners doesn't have to be hard and that you don't have to read everything available, but you should put forth some effort into learning about the world in which you wish to play.  Not only does it keep you on roughly the same page as your fellow roleplayers, it means other players will be forgiving of any minor inconsistencies or mistakes you might make and they'll be more willing to offer you a hand should you ask.

Remember, don't let yourself get intimidated by the wealth of information.  We're going to go through this one step at a time.

Rule #2: Start small.

Let's start first with a bare bones idea of who your character is, and I mean bare bones.  Focus solely on what's inside versus what's outside, which means don't even consider their faction or race for the moment.  (Don't worry if you've already created someone.  I just want you to consider who they are independent of the image on your monitor.)

What's their personality like?  Are they sarcastic, maybe a little jaded?  Do they greet every new person as a potential friend, or are they cautious and suspicious?  Do they have a strong sense of right versus wrong?  Are they a perfect angel, or do they wear that halo to camouflage the impish horns atop their head?  (Metaphorical horns, not the real ones you'll get as a draenei or tauren.)

You don't have to write an essay about their psychological makeup, or even a post-it note, but it is a good idea to at least think about what sort of person you want to roleplay before considering race and faction.  That said, it's OK if you create a character just because you like the way they look, or find the class itself appealing and a source of inspiration.  I knew I wanted to roleplay a blood elf paladin as a Blood Knight before I knew anything about him, and my sassy gnome mage was originally rolled so my friend could get an achievement for a world event.  Now, I know my paladin likes large fluffy pillows on his bed, and I love to take my gnome on the occasional stroll through Stormwind and chat up the locals while she searches for puddles to jump in.

Next, consider what they look like.  I know, I know, I said not to consider race, but there are physical characteristics that exist independent of your character's race.  Are they visibly scarred, or have tattoos or other body modification? Are they average, short, or tall?  Do you want to play someone who is considered above average in terms of physical attractiveness for their race?  (Yes, there are ways to do this without looking like you're trolling for erotic roleplay, or that you're a Mary Sue.  Note that I said "for their race."  Different races have different standards of beauty, and beyond that each individual will vary in terms of what they deem attractive.  Not every dwarf is going to think a draenei is hot, and not every draenei is going to think a dwarf is hideous.)

Rule #3: Break it down.

Not what I meant, but whatever.

With at least a general idea of personality and physical traits, now we can take a closer look at race.  On the surface, even this little bit can seem daunting no matter which race you choose.  Each of them has a history spanning back thousands upon thousands of years, and some histories are more vague than others.  Draenei, for example, left Argus 25,000 years ago and the most we know is that they hopped from planet to planet crossing dimensions until they landed on what they named Draenor (AKA Outland) somewhere between 200 and 1,000 years ago, depending upon which lore source you consider accurate (see, I told you there are contradictory bits of lore).  The intervening years between Argus and Draenor are a huge blank in terms of lore.  Literally nothing official has been said by Blizzard with regards to what happened except to say that those worlds were likely destroyed by Kil'jaeden and the Burning Legion.  For an experienced WoW roleplayer, that bit of information makes me giddy with the potential for character history.  For a newcomer, those three sentences meant absolutely nothing except to offer a bit of racial history and possibly confuse and overwhelm you.

Don't panic!  You'll learn everything you need to know, and faster than you think.  Just as I said with the lore in general, we don't need to read up on every detail of your chosen race's history.  Also, bear in mind that, apart from some extremely niche roleplay groups that I'm not even sure exist outside of forums, any roleplay you participate in will likely take place in the present time in Azeroth.  Sometimes, especially for guilds who spend a lot of time focused on lengthy story arcs, your events might be taking place a couple of months ago or even in the very near future (i.e. in an Orgrimmar where Vol'jin is Warchief and not the one we see in game at the moment with the Kor'kron running amok).  This means that you should start your focus on your race's current status in Azeroth and their most recent history as of the current expansion.

We can already form a story with two simple questions.  Who is your race's current faction leader?  How loyal does your character feel toward them?

Your answer to those two simple questions can give you so much direction in regards to character development.  No, really.  If your character hates their racial leader, you then get to ask yourself if they're involved in any sort of activism, or a member of a secret society whose goal it is to overthrow their leader.  Perhaps your human character hates Varian Wrynn, but figures that they just have to suffer through his reign because that's life.  Or maybe they admire the King and are working their way through the ranks of the Stormwind City Guard in order to hopefully have the honor of being a member of Varian's personal guard.  Obviously this is but one example of how to get started with an idea for character background, and there are other angles you could approach this from.

Think about how your character might feel about their faction as a whole.  Are they fiercely loyal to the Alliance and support its military's actions in Orgrimmar?  Did your orc support Garrosh in Mists of Pandaria, or did they run away to join the Darkspear Rebellion?

It's important to note that while you must choose to be either Alliance or Horde for the purposes of gameplay, for roleplay your character can be a member of a neutral faction such as the Cenarion Circle.  You might really love the idea of playing a troll druid but hate the actions of the Horde, in which case it's a good idea to investigate these other factions within the game with whom your character might ally.  (Of course, if you roll a troll and want to interact with your buddy who's playing a gnome in-game, you'll be stuck with simple emotes or will have to roleplay over Real ID/Battletag whispers/chats, but that's getting a bit ahead of the basics.)  There are many, many options to explore, and all you really need is a vague idea and the name of either an NPC or a group relevant to the story you wish to tell.  Once you've got that, the real fun begins.

It's time to do our research!

Rule #4: Know your resources.

Unlike quest givers, I won't make you sift through poop.

From the official Blizzard website to hundreds of fansites, podcasts, YouTube channels, and blogs, there's a plethora of information about World of Warcraft, but not all of them concern themselves with lore and most are best used for PvE and PvP questions.  Rather than leave you to Google, I've compiled a list of resources I use constantly and will talk about how to best utilize them.

List of Races from the Official Website - This is probably a big "duh!" to you, but with all the third-party fansites out there, it's easy to forget you can get mostly current and very basic lore from here.  I'm linking directly to the races page obviously, but you can also read about classes, factions, and other interesting tidbits of information.  It's a good place to start if you're trying to decide on a race to play.

WoW Expanded Universe - Perhaps one of the best things Blizzard has done in Mists of Pandaria is to revamp their section of short stories and other pertinent lore information.  In continuing from Rule #3, consider focusing on the leader short stories for now.  Some of them aren't necessarily current (Lor'themar Theron's, for example, takes place after Burning Crusade) and some are considered poorly written and/or constructed by other fans (Sylvanas's story is hotly debated by some fans); however, it will provide a general idea regarding some of the history and conflict within your character's racial faction and their current leader.  

WoWpedia - Hands down my favorite website for lore information.  After you've settled on a race and read about it on the official website, go here for a more detailed description and history.  Again, remember the goal is not to get overwhelmed.  Try to keep your focus on your character's race and a bit of what you know of what's currently happening in the game.  From there think about how they'd react to whatever is currently happening within the expansion.  You can write down your thoughts if you'd like, or you can just keep it in your head to ponder later.

WoWWiki - Similar to WoWpedia with a lot of the same information, but some prefer one over the other.  Sometimes one might have more links to sources, and it very much depends on what you like in a fansite.  Use it the same way you would WoWpedia.

WoWhead - WoWhead is better used as a general game guide versus one for roleplay.  However, I've found it's easier to look up locations and maps on WoWhead which comes in handy, especially when trying to figure out where your character might have lived or is living.  If you see a title you'd like to give your character  (i.e. "Ambassador"), WoWhead can help you figure out what achievement unlocks that title and give you tips on how to earn it faster than either WoWpedia or WoWWiki in my experience.

Lore 4 Noobs - Pride has done an excellent job of presenting lore in short, informative videos focusing on important characters from Azeroth's history.  For beginners, most of the names won't mean much to you, but if you're looking to dig a little deeper into Azeroth's lore, it's a good collection of videos.  I do, however, take issue with his Sylvanas Windrunner video and dislike how her story is framed and its dismissal of the problematic elements regarding Arthas's treatment of her.  (Some of the older videos might be found by searching through Jesse Cox's/OMFGCata channel as those were made before Pride formed his own channel.)  Pride also hosts a lore podcast/livestream called But Wait! There's Lore! that might be worth checking out once you feel comfortable with the lore.

WoW Insider's Know Your Lore - This regular column at WoW Insider is chocked full of information vital to many roleplayers' stories.  In addition to KYL, Anne Stickney also does a roleplay column there called All the World's a Stage which offers advice on how to roleplay and the relevant lore.

So You Want to RP - (Note: Some of this post contains ableist language.)  Speaking of Anne Stickney, here's a post she wrote on the Blizzard forums in 2010 that covers a lot of basics for roleplay.  I'll be covering many of the same topics in this guide, but as I said at the start, I am not the sole source of information, nor do I want to be.  It's always good to read as much as you can and get other perspectives.

WoW_Ladies - You have to have a LiveJournal account to join (it's free!) and read some of the private posts, but you can peruse the RP advice tag for many excellent posts about roleplay.  I also love this community for its focus on women who play WoW and some of the class advice was vital to me as a newbie raider in Cataclysm.

Tumblr - There's an excellent and active roleplay community on Tumblr if you search tags for "World of Warcraft," but I suggest this with the caveat that not all NSFW and pornographic material is tagged properly and avoidable.  

If all else fails, there's always Google.  I would suggest turning safe search on if you're squeamish about running afoul of pornographic fanfiction or roleplay, but if you keep your searches to phrases like "Varian Wrynn and Onyxia" for specific lore questions or "roleplaying in Mount Hyjal" for scenarios, you should be OK.  Definitely turn safe search on if you're doing any sort of image search, however, especially for WoW related images.

Beyond that, many roleplay servers offer corresponding websites and forums for players to post information about their characters, their writing, and public RP events.  You can Google your server's name and see if there's a website such as WyrmrestAccord.org for your specific server.  Also, each of the servers have their own section on WoW's official forum.  (Scroll down to the Realms section.  If you're logged into your account, it'll list the realms you have characters on and you can go from there.)  Roleplay server forums tend to be very active, and it's a good way to look for public RP events held in capital cities or other easily accessible areas in Azeroth.  Of course, being an RP server means you might have to sift through some threads that are riddled with drama and trolling.  Please, don't let this discourage you or give you a false impression of what the roleplay climate is like on that particular server.  Remember, people have a pretty dismal view of the official forums for a reason.  (We'll talk about choosing a server and guild in a later part.)

Still with me?

You can do it, future roleplayer!

Great, but we're only getting started!  However, as this post has grown quite large and is full of information and links to various resources, I'll stop here and encourage you to click on links and to read, read, and read some more.  I'll also remind you not to get too carried away or panic over just how much information there is to consider.  We're far from finished fleshing out a character and giving them a story.  Next post I'll discuss the importance of keeping things simple, the dangers of cribbing characters from sources other than WoW, and why you shouldn't let little mistakes discourage you.

There's a Difference

Her side-eye has killed 100 men.

(Content Note: This post talks about rape culture and sexual violence.)

Yesterday, on the wonderful social network that is Twitter, I posted this link and expressed offense and disgust at the achievements listed, particularly the first one.  As sometimes happens, I was immediately questioned by two dudebros who insisted that A) "It's just a game!" and B) that I was a hypocrite because I play World of Warcraft and kill masses of people every day.  (That last part isn't exactly true, but rather than argue semantics over killing mantid versus humans--as I don't PvP--we'll say I do go on a mass murdering spree every time I log in.)  When I tried to explain that sexualized violence is a different brand of violence, I was met with "Violence is violence!"

Except it's not.

Sure, I do feel any sort of violence is bad when not used in self defense, and there have been times in video games when I was upset that I was either forced to have a character perform a violent act and kill a group of people, or defend a character who had done something I disliked.  However, the crux of this issue is comparing killing monsters in a video game en masse versus singling out one, very specific female character and encouraging players to sexually violate her.  The latter is often played off as a joke, or not a big deal, which is very much an echo of what I hear about real-life sexualized violence over and over again.  Furthermore, there are real people in this world right now who believe women have "no expectation of privacy" once they leave their homes and that by leaving their homes they're giving men consent to unknowingly take pictures up their skirts and share those images with others.  (Oh yeah, that's a judge.  You know, the person you expect to want to put the criminal away.)

In our society we treat the crimes of rape and murder very differently.  The vast majority of players don't enter into video games thinking "Yeah mass murder is awesome!"  In the context of the game we might find it fun or even a little humorous depending on the game, but once we leave that game we don't turn on the news and cheer when we hear about a dictator silencing opposition with violence.  We don't say, "They were asking to be killed living there," or "What's the big deal?"  We express horror and sign petitions or join advocacy groups, and sometimes we ask our world leaders to get involved in some way.  Yes, I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule, but again, the vast majority of us are going to recognize a real difference between what we do in a game and what happens in the real world.

With rape, what should be a clear case of right versus wrong becomes murky.  In the Grand Theft Auto franchise we can have sex with a prostitute, kill her, and then take the money we paid her back.  In real life, when a sex worker is raped we call that "theft of services."  In other games (heterosexual) men are invited to ogle at women and fantasize about them.  In real life when women express discomfort or offense at these things that happen to us, we're asked "What's the big deal?" and told it's a compliment to be leered at and told what sex acts a man wants to do with our bodies.  If we talk about it happening in a game, we're told we must be unattractive to take offense and jealous, as if being attractive or unattractive adds or detracts from the validity of our words.  (Hint: It doesn't.)

In the real world, when a murder occurs, we want justice. Police don't usually stand around and debate whether or not a victim was murdered (and before someone tries to get smart with me, I am talking about cases where foul play is obvious and not an episode of Sherlock).  If they ask where the victim was and why, it's to figure out who else might have been there and had access to the murder scene so as to derive a list of suspects.  If the victim was involved in a criminal activity, they still try to capture the murderer (in most cases) because they believe the person will murder again.

When a woman comes forward to say she was raped, the scenario changes.  First, we have to ask her whether or not she was really raped and doesn't just regret a one-night stand.  Regardless of any physical evidence gathered (which may or may not ever be tested), we ask if she was dressed provocatively.  Was she inebriated or otherwise impaired?  Did she scream no and flail like a good victim?  If not, maybe it wasn't that bad.  Since it's far more likely she knows her rapist, the questions will turn to why was she with him, or why she let him into her home.  People who know the rapist will leap to his defense and say he couldn't possibly do such a horrible thing, and then tell the victim she's a horrible person and ruining his life.  Even if she's not the first person to speak up or the last, the rapist will always be believed first over anything his victims might say.  The victims, after all, want attention or money or some combination thereof.  It's rare that a rapist ever spends a day in jail.

The above paragraph isn't a scenario from a video game, it's the reality in which I live.  It's a reality I've experienced when I was sexually assaulted and tried to file a report with the police.  "It's just a game!" rings hollow when I see boys online cheering gleefully about being invited to violate a female character, and I witness men walking away from persecution for doing the same thing in real life because it's not that serious of a crime.  It becomes harder to "take a joke" (as if it's easy to laugh off trauma I've actually experienced) when I see recent studies where young men say it's reasonable to force a woman to have sex (i.e. rape her) if they paid for dinner or she flirted with them.  Or that men might be raping women and not consider what they've done rape, or are able to get away with it because if she's drunk or doesn't scream "no" at you, it's not really rape.

I've said before that video games are like art and as such they provide a reflection of our society.  I don't believe someone not already prone to violence is going to play a violent video game where they murder people and be encouraged to go and repeat those acts in the real world.  I don't believe a man will necessarily take an uninvited peek at a female character's underwear and then go out and try it for real.  But just because I don't think playing a game will turn someone into a predator doesn't mean I don't see a disparity between how we, as a culture, talk about murder versus rape.  We get daily messages that murder is wrong, that it's bad, yet we don't quite receive the same messages about sexual violence and rape.

Maybe, just maybe, it's time we worked to change that.

The Consequences of Fulfilling a Purpose

Content Note: This entry discusses kidnapping, rape, and forced birth.

"And even if they bear themselves weary, or ultimately bear themselves out that does not hurt. Let them bear themselves out. This is the purpose for which they exist."  - Martin Luther, "The Estate of Marriage" (1522)

Perhaps one of the most sexist notions about women is that they are put on earth to fulfill one purpose and one purpose alone: to propagate the human species, even if it means their death.  As you can see from the above quote, this isn't a recent idea and it's one that's been ingrained into our society for centuries.  It  may be 2014, but my childless female friends often complain about others telling them it's their "duty" to have children and that they're somehow obligated to one day become mothers, or that at some point they'll change their minds or wake up one day in their post-menopausal years and suddenly regret never having known the joy of motherhood.  For my own part I've had perfect strangers chide me for not having enough children and choosing only to keep it at one child (sometimes they swallow their foot when they learn I am an only child myself, other times they're aghast that I'd subject my son to the same supposed lonely existence).

I think this is why I was so disappointed yesterday morning when I checked Twitter and learned that current lore states the dragonflights of Azeroth are now sterile.

The line "fulfilled their function" in particular stood out to me, especially when you consider how often various dragons have suffered forced captivity and breeding in the past.  Alexstrasza, Kirygosa, Nyxondra, and Tyranastrasz (an older male dragon who died from over-breeding while in captivity with Alexstrasza) are a few examples of dragons enslaved and either forced or threatened with forced breeding.  As late as Cataclysm the Dragonmaw orc clan was enslaving dragons to use as mounts, and in the Twilight Highlands quest line you help free the red dragon Lirastrasza who is captured by the Twilight's Hammer cult during the arc.  Crueler still is that Alexstrasza lost a second consort and an entire clutch of eggs prior to Dragon Soul only to then have to instruct Azeroth's champions to kill her remaining young who had been corrupted by the Twilight's Hammer (the drakes before Ultraxion).  In short, the dragons' fertility being used against them as a means of subjugation and inflicting emotional pain is nothing new, but now it's taken on another disturbing trait as their fertility was somehow tied to their "usefulness" to Azeroth.

Lore-wise the Aspects of the various dragonflights (with Thrall standing in as the Earthwarder's understudy) sacrificed their powers to aid the players in Dragon Soul in the final battle with Deathwing.  In addition to losing their Titan-gifted powers, they were no longer immortal and subject to die of old age like the other mortal races of Azeroth.  Now we learn that as reward for performing the Titan's task of stopping the Hour of Twilight the dragons have been rendered sterile and face extinction.  It's sort of a macabre planned obsolescence on the Titans' part and an added smack in the face when weighed against all the good the dragonflights have done throughout Azeroth's long existence.

Let's ignore for the moment that the dragons were around before the Titans and a natural part of Azeroth so taking away their ability to reproduce makes little sense.  Tying the usefulness of an entire species' to their fertility is, to me, sexist at its core.  Granted it's not only the female dragons affected by this sudden sterility (at least, I hope not), but as I pointed out reproduction has historically been viewed as a woman's obligation and sole purpose for existence while  men were created to be the builders and leaders of society.  Add to it Blizzard's history of either disappearing mother's altogether or killing off female characters after they've served a purpose for a story arc, it seems we're yet again stuck in the same old problematic tropes, only this time it's the entire race of dragons.

Kirygosa & the Twilight Father

As was pointed out by a couple of people on Twitter, it seems as though we're supposed to gloss over all the rape, forced breeding, and now sterility because these are fictional creatures so it's OK.  The problem is that while Azeroth's dragons aren't real, living beings, they have been created in such a way that we're meant to empathize with them and identify them as sapient, sentient creatures who experience the same range of emotions we do.  They fall in love and mourn when loved ones die, and we're meant to fall in love or to grieve alongside them.  Also, to only focus on the fictional aspect ignores that this fiction was created by people who live in our reality and have ideas and beliefs shaped by our shared culture, a culture and society in which forced birth or sterility is not as fictional as we'd like to believe.  This isn't to say the writers shouldn't or can't tell us stories with these horrific themes.  Writers have always used troubling scenarios in their works to open up desperately needed discussions about the horrors of real life, or to draw attention to the plight of marginalized groups.  The trouble comes when these scenarios are used as little more than a lazy shortcut to illustrate that the bad guy du jour is evil and needs to be stopped, which is often the way we see rape and rape trauma portrayed in various media and in turn normalizes rape and makes it out to be "not a big deal."

What's always bothered me is that we're witness to these awful events and never see any resolution as far as the victims' traumas.  Once the bad guy is defeated--or sometimes as soon as the victim is freed without necessarily defeating him, there's never any fall out.  The individual evil inflicted upon the victims is never mentioned again, and the next time someone is kidnapped and abused, it's treated as unique and only talked about in context of that victim with no acknowledgement that this has happened before.  Repeatedly.  If the intent was to draw attention to a very real horror of human life, it falls flat by only acknowledging it in the moment and showing no consequence in the aftermath.  Even the dragon's sterility is revealed by a simple, throwaway line in Dawn of the Aspects as if it's no big deal never mind that it's the extinction of an entire species.

And it's all because thousands of years ago the Titans predetermined when the dragons would have served the purpose they needed them for and, thus, no longer needed to exist, which, again, seems to completely elide the fact the dragons were part of Azeroth before the Titans' arrival.

There's quite a lot to unpack here, and I fear I've only gone so far as to open this particular box of "What the fuck, Blizzard?"  However, I do want to touch on one other aspect (pardon the pun) of this revelation: What's our motivation to help the dragonflights now?  What's the point in trying to save a species doomed to extinction?  Naturally, if saving a dragon means helping Azeroth avoid some horrible fate there's suitable motivation, but what happens beyond that?  For the more cynical among us, it might be a matter of watching them die relatively fast now versus languishing for however long they have left now that their immortality is
gone.

From Wowpedia

Conversely, why would the dragonflights help Azeroth now?  They did as the Titans bade them, guarded the various Aspects of the world, and in return they get to die out.  Might some of them be angry about this and lash out at the mortal races they aided?  Might this be the future that Nozdormu saw which drove him to madness and led to his alter-ego Murzond and the Infinite Dragonflight?  After all, what sort of life is it knowing there will be no more of your people after you're gone?

Rendering the dragons sterile seems a bizarre move on the part of the developers.  Aside from the many questions concerning the logic behind the Titans' intention for this decision, there's also the very real question of why do this to a species that's already suffered so much torment and pain.  What purpose did all of it serve if, in the end, they're going to be forced into extinction?

Rheastrasza and Sacrifice

Content Note: This post discusses imprisonment, forced impregnation, and forced experimentation. 

This past weekend I had the honor and privilege of being a guest on Apple Cider Mage and Tzufit's podcast Justice Points, a show that takes a look at social justice and feminist issues inside World of Warcraft.  Our episode tackled the subject of mothers and motherhood in Azeroth with topics ranging from how motherhood is portrayed to the conspicuous absence of mothers in game and lore in general.  I had an absolute blast and am rather pleased with how the episode turned out, but there was one character I wanted to touch on who we simply didn't have time to cover.  However, instead of looking at her in terms of motherhood and mothers in Azeroth, this post will center around questions of ethics, consent, and what is meant by sacrifice.

Rhea

While questing through Badlands in either faction, you come across a Cataclysm era quest arc involving a goblin named Rhea.  At first she seems like any other goblin: passionate about her research and eager to uncover the secrets of the black dragonflight's procreation and source of their old god corruption.  She asks for the player's help in the task of stealing wild black dragon eggs and whelpling corpses.  In the larger picture of in-game quests, her request is par for the course.  Go kill stuff and bring back its body part/corpse/poo, or go here and steal some object from the enemy.  However, if we look at the quest on its own merits, it quickly turns macabre in that you're stealing what are essentially infants and killing toddlers to collect their bodies for a third party to experiment on.  Then, once you turn in the corpses Rhea hints at the fact she is no ordinary goblin, but doesn't yet reveal her true identity.  She removes the magical veil concealing the presence of Nyondra, a black dragon mother and we enter a whole new level of horror.

Nyxondra is being held against her will. She is hidden from her brood, right in the middle of their breeding grounds. She lays eggs, but they will be taken away before she can see them hatch.

Cruel? Perhaps... but not nearly as cruel as the treatment that their dragonflight showed my mistress.

Show me that I can trust you, <name>. Take Nyxondra's eggs, and bring them here. You will need to beat Nyxondra into submission before you can take them.

Rhea's mistress is, you will later learn, Alexstrasza the head of the red dragonflight and (now former) Aspect of Life on Azeroth.   That Alexstrasza would order another dragon held captive against her will and allow her eggs to be stolen, experimented upon, and ultimately destroyed in the process is particularly disturbing considering Alexstrasza's own history of forced captivity and breeding during the Second War.  In case it's not enough that you're asked to be complicit in the imprisonment and experimentation of Nyondra, Rhea specifically tells you that in order to earn her trust you must beat Nyxondra into submission and steal her eggs.  The reason for this cruelty and horror is revealed after you hand over the three eggs you literally beat Nyxondra into giving you when Rhea turns into the red dragon Rheastrasza and finally explains the purpose of her experiments.

Rhea says: Deathwing's madness overcomes him, and we, the red dragonflight, must take this opportunity to steal his black dragons from beneath him. We will remake the black dragons as they are intended to be: the warders of the earth.

If you're not familiar with the lore, once upon a time Deathwing was Neltharion the Earth-Warder, Aspect of the black dragonflight.  Many thousands of years ago, Nelthraion was driven mad by an old god and turned against the other dragonflights during the War of the Ancients.  Neltharion became Deathwing and was eventually imprisoned within Azeroth, but not before his madness spread to the other members of the black dragonflight.   After his escape caused the Cataclysm, it appears Alexstrasza asked Rheastrasza to find a means of cleansing the black dragonflight of their corruption by any means necessary.

Alexstrasza's and, by extension, Rheastrasza's motivations are clearly good.  They wish to purify the black dragonflight and restore the order to the dragonflights taken away by an old god's corruption.  After all, even before Deathwing nearly destroyed Azeroth and upset the balance of the elements, other black dragons like his daughter Onyxia had proven dangerous to the world.  There was no guarantee that even with Deathwing's death that the black dragonflight would cease to pose a threat.  However, the question of the ends justifying the means and whether or not sinking to the same tactics of your enemy makes you any better must be asked.  Furthermore, how do we trust this isn't partly revenge or that Alexstrasza wouldn't go so far again under less dire circumstances?  Given that we must bloody our hands to even be entrusted with this knowledge, what other horrors might the red dragonflight--the ones we're told are the good guys--be involved in that we don't know about?  Finally, whose to say that even free from madness the black dragonflight themselves will view this cruelty as necessary and not a betrayal?

With the aid of Titan technology, you manage to clear away old god corruption from one of Nyxondra's eggs.  More questing that requires the deaths of other black dragons follow under the guise of protecting the eggs Rheastrasza has stolen until finally she asks you to kill Nyxondra.

My greatest regret is the treatment that we - no, I - gave to Nyxondra. I forced her to lay eggs, then I performed experiments on them. Over, and over, and over again.

Even as a mother myself, I can only imagine her sorrow.

No... I mustn't be weak. Our work is, after all, for the benefit of future generations of black dragons. Her sacrifice was necessary.

She circles the Ruins of Kargath, northwest of New Kargath, insane with fury. Please, heroes... put her out of her misery.

The line "Her sacrifice was necessary," is curious.  It is, of course, open to interpretation, but to say someone has made a sacrifice implies a choice was made on the part of the one doing the sacrifice.  Nyxondra, as was already established, was imprisoned and experimented upon against her will.  She never consented to have her body used and her children and killed "over, and over, and over again."  Nyxondra's "sacrifice" was chosen for her by Rheastrasza (and also Alexstrasza), and already supposedly insane due to old god corruption, Rheastrasza's experiments have driven her further into insanity and requires she be euthanized like a sick animal.  Given that Nyxondra doesn't simply lie down and accept her fate, we can surmise she doesn't wish to die and the decision to end her life comes from Rheastrasza.

As I said it's open to interpretation and it could be argued that Rheastrasza meant Nyxondra herself was the sacrifice made for the greater good of the black dragonflight (and Azeroth as a whole).  Either way Nyxondra is still a victim stripped of her consent and bodily autonomy, much like Alexstrasza was in the Second War.  We don't know how many children Nyxondra lost only that, like Alexstrasza, it was many.

So, if Nyxondra didn't make necessary sacrifices, who did?

In the end, it's Rheastrasza who makes conscious sacrifices fully informed of the consequences.  First, her ethics and moral high ground are sacrificed when she imprisons a dragon against her will and then kills many, many children in the name of ultimately curing an entire flight.  Lastly, she sacrifices her life and one of her own eggs to protect Nyxondra's purified egg (which unbeknownst to the player and to Deathwing has been moved to a safer location outside of the Badlands).

It's not clear whether or not Rheastrasza knew she would die.  She certainly knew it was a possibility and the letter she leaves for the player makes it clear she accepted this risk unlike her captive.  Yet, I'm left to wonder if she accepted death not out of a noble sacrifice, but because she felt it might make erase the evil of her actions.  Also, with her death dies the knowledge this cruel experiment existed apart from Alexstrasza and that of the players and the gnome scientist Dr. Hieronymus Blam.  If I were to propose a more sinister theory, perhaps Alexstrasza wanted her to die to help keep the experiments a secret.  We don't know if it was common knowledge among the red dragonflight or other dragonflights.  Certainly all of them would agree ridding the black dragons of their madness is a worthy goal, but I can't imagine Ysera or Kalecgos going along with Nyxondra's torture and then death.  The player, of course, knows as does Dr. Hieronymus Blam, but by forcing us to bloody our hands so severely before explaining the plan to us might have been a bid to buy our silence as well.  If we're to believe ourselves heroes at the end of the day, we'll ultimately have to believe every terrible act we do in the midst of war/potential apocalypse was for the best.

Was it worth it?

Rheastrasza isn't around to know whether or not her and Alexstrasza's plan worked.  The egg Rheastrasza cleansed is Wraithion's and right now the jury is out as to whether or not he's all that different from his father.  The end of the legendary cloak quest certainly makes me think otherwise and leaves the question of just how much of Deathwing's evil was the madness of old gods and how much was his own personality.  Then again, given that Wraithion "escapes" from the red dragonflight to forge his own path, we have to wonder if he knows the truth of his birth and what became of his mother.  If so, he might well be out for revenge and this has in turn motivated him to, like his late half-sister Onyxia, try to influence Azerothian politics in his favor.

Or maybe, like Rheastrasza, he sees a larger picture and feels his manipulation and lies are for the greater good and will ultimately save Azeroth from itself when the next great evil is visited upon us.  How far he'll go to achieve his goals isn't clear, but with Rheastrasza and Alexstrasza defining what sacrifices are necessary and setting the tone, there is the potential for greater evil and horror in our futures.

Continuing the Conversation About Lack of Women in WoW

Note: This post and the previous post are meant to coincide with conversations I'm having on Twitter and more of a means for me to try to vent my frustrations and organize my thoughts in ways I can't with a 140-character limit. Other content will be forthcoming as I get used to blogging again.

Look, I know there'll be women in Warlords of Draenor because we know neither draenei or orcs of old were single gender societies.  I know we'll likely see some of their stories, but what I can't overlook is that in the first bits of promotional information delivered to me via the livestream and the website, the information that's supposed to get me pumped and eager to play the new expansion, is made up of men.  First impressions are important and as first impressions go, this one left me concerned rather than excited.

Here's what I saw when I went to the website for Warlords of Draenor (as of November 20, 2013):

Still not sure they aren't going to be a boyband.

And then as I scroll down to read about the legendary characters I'll get to play alongside, this is what I'm shown:

The great Sleeve Shortage of Draenor was a real problem.

Do you see a trend here?  If you check out the new character models, the only options are limited to male previews so far, though there is some concept art of the female models available.  As I've pointed out, I knew even at seven years old that seeing myself in a game was important to me for reasons I didn't always know or understand, and it's disheartening to see a game in which I can play any gender without penalty and still see the story be mostly about men.

There is a woman featured as part of the artwork on the website, one we've been told by Dave Kosak on Twitter is a draenei named Yrel (pronounced "Yee-rell").  From what little is available about her so far, I do actually have good hopes for her story, both as a woman and as a fan of draenei lore (shhh, don't tell my blood elf characters).  Well, aside from comparing her to Joan of Arc because, uh, we know how well that story turned out for the real Joan of Arc and I don't think the end of Joan's life is the imagery they meant to invoke.

When companies create ad campaigns--and make no mistake, this whole website, the trailer, and all the information at Blizzcon is an ad campaign meant to inform us and encourage us to hand over our monies--they do so with an audience in mind.  In this case, it's very clear the audience Blizzard is aiming for doesn't include me as I'm not a man who does manly things.  This might not be such a big deal if we were talking about a product specifically designed for men, or if WoW's player base was exclusively male or the overwhelming majority was male.  It's not, and in fact nearly half of all gamers are women, to say nothing of the multitude of women players I know and interact with whenever I log into the game.

I can't help but see the website, read the information, and think maybe Blizzard is a little out of touch with their player base.  If their desire is to energize the whole player base and not just a portion, wouldn't it behoove them to include more women?  And when it comes to the sorts of women I want to see, I don't just mean women who are instant bad asses (Just add sword!), but women who are, well, people with complex histories and motivations.  You know, like a lot of the male characters we've had, strong yet vulnerable and capable of overcoming tremendous odds.

Finally, just a little side note here.  I've seen so many people react defensively, even angrily at the suggestion that WoW isn't being inclusive and that there is a real problem with their seeming lack of desire to make women more pertinent to the overall lore of Azeroth.  I want to know why?  What harm is done by asking questions?  What harm is there in requesting Blizzard take our concerns and wishes into consideration?  Why, instead of listening or simply ignoring what is being said, must people loudly proclaim there is no problem and tell those of us participating in this discussion to shut up?  If there's really no problem, or Blizzard ultimately sees no problem, then the game will carry on as it is with no changes.  If the developers agree with the criticism and aim to be more inclusive, it can only benefit the game and encourage more people to play as they'll feel like they have a part in the story, which ultimately means more money and a longer lifespan for WoW.

My posts here and on Twitter are totally voluntary on your part to read, and you can choose to agree a little or not at all.  How does what I and others say interfere with your ability to both play and enjoy the game in any shape or form?  What, exactly, are you afraid is going to happen?

When do I get to see myself?

In 1988 the US version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was released.  I was seven years old and hyped when my parents finally purchased it for me because for the first time I got to choose which character to play as and one of my choices was Princess Peach.  I vividly remember sitting down to play and noticing right off the bat that something was wrong.  You see, each character you chose had a strength and unique ability.  Luigi could jump further than Mario, Toadstool could pull plants out of the ground faster, and Princess Peach could hover in the air for extended periods of time.  However, in terms of physical strength, Princess Peach was the weakest so it took her the longest to pull/pick up items from the ground.  For the sake of game balance, it made sense on the surface, but I remember thinking even at seven years old that the only reason Peach was considered the weakest was because she was a girl.

At the time I remember thinking, "But she's bigger than Toadstool, and she's been kidnapped a lot.  Shouldn't she maybe have learned to defend herself at least a little?"  I always thought of myself as a tough girl back then (still do) so I thought other girls could be tough, especially girls in video games where there were magical items to make you stronger or give you extra powers.  It felt so unfair to me and I know I stopped playing the game for a time because there were levels where it just wasn't good to use Peach because of her weakness, and I was utterly disheartened.  All the boys at school talked about video games and how awesome they were, and I agreed, but I couldn't quite put into words then the disconnect I felt with them, and apart from Super Mario Bros. 3, I mostly distanced myself from video games after that because I was getting the message it wasn't for me.  Even in a game when I could choose a character that was like me, a girl, I was at a disadvantage.

I'd like to say that twenty-five years later, it's better--and it is--but sometimes I feel like I'm still having the same conversations I wasn't able to have at seven.  Times have changed and I can go into a game like Dragon Age or Mass Effect and choose to play a female character without suffering any sort of penalty in terms of abilities or story (apart from maybe who I can romance in the first Dragon Age), and I certainly can play a female of any race in World of Warcraft without penalty.  Yet, it's when I look at the NPCs who are shaping the story in which I'm a participant that I start to feel that disconnect again.

At Blizzcon when the Warlords of Draenor expansion was announced, I was excited.  I get to see the characters I loved in Rise of the Horde, and I get to see them without the taint of fel corruption.  Yet, the more I looked at the information given, and then the time I spent on the website, I saw right away that gee, there's a lot of men listed, many of whom we already know at least in one timeline, but where are all the women?  We've been told there's a new woman on the scene, a draenei named Yrel who we're told will be a bad ass, and I'm eager to see her, but I wondered about the established characters we have who should by all rights be taking part in this next chapter.

It niggled at me, bugging me even amid the jokes of "Hot Orc Dads" and the "Orc Boyband."  Then I read Chris Metzen's (possibly off-the cuff) statement that "The honeymoon's over. [Warlords] is a boy's trip," when asked about Aggra's participation.  And while I firmly believe in my heart of hearts Metzen didn't intend to be exclusionary, he was exclusionary in this bit of casual sexism.  Yet again I'm told, "This is a boy's hobby in which we tolerate your presence."

So as I do, I voice concern over Twitter and immediately I'm accused of participating in "gender wars," whatever those are.  Also that I'm not giving them enough time, that I should wait and see, never mind that when the beta launches, the main course of the story will be set and about all that can really be altered is the dialogue if we're being honest as any attempt to put in a different character (with a different model and animations) will take additional time and stall launch.  As if the game isn't nine years old with a history of disappearing women, or using them to make the men look like rational, well thought out leaders.  I'm told I want to control the story, that I should quit playing if it makes me angry (which, angry?  No, disheartened, disappointed, and annoyed, yes, but anger means I step away and say nothing, even though anger would be a valid response to feeling left out yet again).  Never mind that I love the story, the characters, and the game itself, one that I spend several hours per week on playing with friends or solo.  I'm told this is Blizzard's creation and that they have all the say in it, or that I must want to put in token characters into the story (because asking for Jaina, Tyrande, Aggra, etc. is asking for a token character?).  We'll kindly ignore that in the past Blizzard has reacted positively to such feedback and altered what they could to be less offensive/more inclusive, and that their creation is something they'd like me to keep paying for so it's in their best interest to listen to such criticism when it's coming from a good chunk of their player base.  In short, I'm told in every which way but directly to just shut up and accept this.

But I can't just shut up and let it be because inside of me I remember being seven years old and all the ways in which I was disappointed with my favorite game franchise.  Then I get further upset to see that twenty-five years later I still apparently have to make a case for my right to not only to participate, but to see people like me on my game screen.  Even beyond that, as someone who loves the written word and stories, it's kind of galling to see how a well developed character is seemingly dropped once she's paired off with a male, doubly so after she becomes a mother.  It's saddening to watch solid character development given to someone like Lor'themar (who I adore and have loved to see come to the fore this expansion) only to watch Tyrande given lessons in patience by Varian Wrynn of all people.

I don't expect perfection, and there will always be screw ups in terms of representation because, as of yet, the developers have yet to become infallible beings incapable of making mistakes.  In spite of insinuations otherwise, I don't want to be the one to tell the story and I don't want creative control, I just want to feel like I'm part of this community and not a visitor whose simply allowed the privilege of playing in a boy's domain, and I'm not even getting into the lack of queer representation or people of color.

I could sit here and link to articles about how under representation in various forms of media hurts us, or that recent studies have shown television shows with a diverse cast in terms of gender and ethnicity are getting higher ratings (and it would make sense that sort of success could easily be seized upon by video games).  I could tell you that children's self-esteem goes down the more TV they watch, unless that child is white and male and the reason for this is that white male characters make up the majority of lead roles in children's programming.  (And if it has that strong of an effect on children, how do you think it colors adults' perceptions of the world and ourselves?)  I could talk about how in 2011 women only made up 33% of roles in the top 100 grossing films (PDF) and how that number becomes depressingly lower when you focus only on women of color.  I could tell you these are all reasons I think we need to see more women in Warlords of Draenor, that we need to see them in the artwork and to be told more than one woman will play a role in the story to come, but the fact of the matter is I never get that far.  I never get to tell people this because the moment I start to talk about this, I'm drowned out by those who like the status quo or seem somehow threatened by the mere suggestion that something they love isn't perfect or inclusive.  I'm ignored in favor of being called too angry, too emotional, or of wasting my energy on something as insignificant as a video game when there are real problems in the world as if I can't care for both at the same time.  I'm ignored because it's not "[female character's] time" or it's "too soon" to have this talk, but no one seems to be able to tell me when the right time is.

Twenty-five years later, in the year two thousand and thirteen, and I'm still waiting to see myself in the games I love to play.

My Traumatic Event is Not Your Fucking Punchline

This post contains descriptions of sexual assault and rape and I am applying massive Trigger Warnings for this reason.  Also, comments will be turned off for this as I will not entertain any sort of debate or discussion on this matter.  Do not contact me privately if your intention is to play Devil's Advocate or to try and convince me rape "jokes" are totally funny and I'm being unreasonable/overly sensitive, etc.  You will be blocked and ignored.

Tonight, during a Twitter Raid event, someone (who did apologize after I called them out, hence why they remain unnamed) said, "And Rageface leaps on you and rapes your face."  This turned my already borderline mood sour and even though the person apologized and no one spoke up to say anything sarcastic, it reminded me of something I wrote last year after I left a guild over the GM making some heinous rape jokes and then telling me not to "start shit" when I made an effort to point out she was being an asshole.  (Yes, she, and the others joining in the jokes were also women.  Internalized sexism and misogyny is a hell of a drug.)  I'm quoting myself and re-posting here because sometimes I think people need to know what it is they're doing when they make rape jokes.

I want to talk about how rape jokes aren’t funny, and drop a whole bunch of links about how jokes like that empower rapists, make them think it’s no big deal.  I want to quote every feminist and/or survivor who’s ever talked about rape more eloquently than I ever could.
Instead I’m sitting here shaking remembering what it was like to sit on that couch in a so-called friend’s apartment.  To feel someone’s hands on my body and my stomach is churning because I really don’t want to be there, but I’m too scared to say no (I never said yes either).   

Instead I’m remembering being cornered in the hallway at school and forced to endure having my breasts touched when I didn’t want them to be.  I remember the boy who threatened to stab me because I was going to kick him for touching me in the park.  I’m seeing someone’s penis I didn’t ask to see, and it’s erect though I’m too young to understand what that means only to have the realization dawn on me years later when I’m sexually active for the first time.   

He was aroused and wanted me to touch it.  

These were all separate instances.  And someone—more than one someone out there thinks each of them are funny.  The reasons I want to go into the bathroom right now and puke and cry are someone’s punchline.

Yes, these are incidents from my life.  What's sad is that too many other women reading this have lived through similar or worse experiences.  One in six of us have in the United States.  And we must live each and every day in a culture that likes to pretend rape isn't a big deal, or that actively encourages and empowers rapists by allowing seemingly innocuous statements slip under the radar day after day after day.

You don't rape bosses in raid.  You aren't raped by that mob that caused you to wipe.  The only thing that is akin to rape or even like rape is rape.  You're trivializing heinous acts perpetuated by real-life monsters and are normalizing such behavior by treating it like it's no big deal.

There is nothing funny about rape.  Nothing.  If you're making rape jokes and people are laughing, one of them might be a rapist and he thinks you're on his side. You're telling him it's okay for him to rape.  It may be the last thing you're hoping to accomplish with your jokes, but that's what you're doing.

Words have power whether or not I proclaim they do/ do not.  Language isn't as benign as some like to say, and even if you disagree that there's no such thing as a funny rape joke, you can hopefully agree that if someone says those statements make them uncomfortable the decent thing to do is to shut the fuck up, apologize, and find different subject/more appropriate and accurate metaphor.

A Little Update

Change is still coming, but as February is always a rough month for me, I've been slow about getting there.

I have a life! Somewhere.

After taking a weekend off from the game to binge on a bit of Dragon Age: Origins/Awakenings and Dragon Age II, I went back into the game with renewed energy.  First up, I finished out the first part of Wraithion's legendary questing and am now in the process of collecting 6,000 valor points.  As I doubt I will hit the valor cap each week, it will probably take me a little more than the minimum six weeks to accomplish this part of the quest.  However, this is still progress where there was nothing before.

Other accomplishments include getting my hunter to level 90, which also netted me the Quintessential Quintet achievement and made me question the sanity of trying to keep up with this many alts in Mists of Pandaria, an expansion that is not very alt-friendly.

The day after hitting 90, I spent a bit of time on him tracking down a couple of rare tames that had caught my eye: Hexapos and Portent.  Portent I was thinking would take some time to get the color I wanted (purple), but lo and behold, I lucked out the first time I found him, and only within 10 minutes of telling guildies I was hunting him down.  (I can feel the envy from some of you all the way over here.  To quote the Sha of Anger: "Yes, feed me your rage!"  If it comforts you, know that on my main, I don't have near this much luck.)

Named Bruiser because he's purple, like a bruise.

I named him Flappy.

After the excitement of a taking a newly minted 90 through heroics in mostly greens, I switched back to my main to join some guild members in my first ever challenge mode dungeon.  We managed to get bronze on Scarlet Monastery, and then went on to do...not so well on Scarlet Halls.  However, for being new to this whole challenge mode thing, we did really well and we learned quite a lot about what we'll need to do for next time.

Speaking of my guild, we're still looking for a DPS to round out our raid team.  If you're interested and are Horde-side on Wyrmrest Accord/are willing to transfer to a new home if things work out, check out the website to review the application process.  I'll go ahead and vouch for the guild leaders/raid leaders and say the whole guild is filled with some pretty impressive folks  Also, our Mumble conversations never fail to leave me in stitches, which can be a good or bad thing when we're raiding our running heroics/challenge modes.

Here in a bit, I'm going to start work on a post all about 5.2, which drops today.  As my main is a Warlock, you know I'm going to have quite a bit to talk about after I try things out tonight.

Change is Coming

No, I haven't forgotten about this blog, nor do I want to abandon it.  Real life swallowed me whole after the holidays, and then I've had some changes in-game in the form of a couple of guild try outs (one Alliance side that failed and one Horde side that, so far, is working out).

First and foremost, I've joined with Enigma, a new guild on Wyrmrest Accord and, if everything works out, I will be raiding with them in the coming weeks.  The raid team is still being formed, but we've been running LFRs as a group as well as heroics and other activities.  I have to say it's nice to log into the game and see an active guild chat and even more exciting to hop on Mumble and speaking with some pretty awesome people.

In January I leveled my fourth 90, and it wasn't the Hunter (who, as of this writing, is sitting at level 87 and should ding 90 within the next week).  Back in January a friend needed a gnome mage for one of the Winter Veil achievements, so I offered to roll one for her.  After it was done I thought, "Oh what the heck, she looks cute and this could be fun."  So I purchased some heirlooms and, twenty-five days later, she dinged 90.  Yes, she, like all my toons, has a backstory and could be used for role-play if the occasion ever presents itself.  For now I'm enjoying the simplicity that is Arcane.

On the lore front, I've joined a book club of sorts called Warcraft Well Read.  Each month we're picking a Warcraft book to read through.  For January it was Rise of the Horde, a book that left me with a lot to say and which I'll be talking about soon.  This month we're covering Well of Eternity, the first book in the War of the Ancients trilogy.  There'll be more about that later as well.

As for the blog, I'm brainstorming with some ideas for what I want to do.  Now that I might actually be raiding again and role-playing, look for quite a few posts about lore and raiding.  Intermixed with that will be the occasional rant and some posts related to feminism.  One of the ideas I have is theme days, i.e. "Warlock Wednesdays" or "Sunday Afternoon Lore."  I'm not quite sure how I'll do that since real life might not offer me the time to be able to write for this several days per week.

Another idea I've had is possibly trying my hand at Livestreaming.  Currently, this isn't feasible, or at least not something I could do consistently.  My boyfriend and I are gradually getting together a wish list for a new desktop computer for me, but that will take time and will, of course, require money.  However, I hope to be able to accomplish this within the next six months, or to at least have the majority of the components assembled.  From there, we'll see.  Maybe I'll be able to make WoW into something more than just a hobby.

Ultimately, my original vision for this blog hasn't changed, it's simply evolving and gaining a few new layers.  So, stay tuned and maybe this place will become awesome.