#HowToPissOffAFemale(Gamer)

Caption: "#HowToPissOffAFemale tell them you're playing World of Warcraft instead of seeing them."

Remember how I said this blog would sometimes be about my feminism and how it intersects with my gaming.  Yeah, I had no idea how soon I'd be inspired to focus on that particular aspect.  Here I was thinking I'd be talking about becoming a possible convert from Demonology spec to Affliction spec on my warlock for raiding tonight, when I spied the above tweet on my twitter feed.

By itself, it's not horribly offensive, though it does grate on my nerves.  We've all heard the "jokes" about wife or girlfriend aggro, and just yesterday a male player lamented to me, "I think my girlfriend is mad at me for not spending more time with her."  To which my response is inevitably, "Well, put down the mouse and go see her!"

The thing is, I'm not sure why this is solely considered a problem in the realm of male gamers.  We women have also put our significant others through the "Just one more dungeon!" or "I can't go to that party, it's raid night!" scenario.  The other issue I have with this is all this complaining about how a girlfriend or wife wants their gamer boyfriend or husband to spend time with them instead of playing WoW (because we all know no gay men or women ever play WoW--careful not to step in that dripping sarcasm there, it's slippery), and how this is apparently a bad thing.

Which brings me to the "joke" in the tweet above and other jokes like it.  When you enter a relationship with someone, you have a responsibility to maintain that relationship.  This means you--yes, you the gamer has to be the one to find the balance between play time and relationship.  Sometimes a significant other might be a little clingy, and if the other party is demanding you spend every waking moment with them, then yes, you have a right to say, "No, I'm going to raid tonight."  However, what I see too often is that the player is on WoW six nights per week doing whatever s/he does, and then complains when, for one night, their significant other wants him/her to turn off the computer and, horror of horrors, spend a little time together.

I have been on both sides of this.  When my boyfriend was spending a bit too much time in Paragon City (the setting of City of Heroes for the uninitiated), I had to put my foot down one night and let him know that I needed a bit of attention.  Recently, I had to admit that sometimes I was playing a bit too much in Azeroth when I should make more of an effort to spend a bit of time on the couch snuggling and catching up with Burn Notice on Netflix (or one memorable evening, watching the new Conan remake, which was only made more awesome with our MST3K-style commentary).

And rather than either of us whine and complain that our significant other was trying to take us away from the game, we both stepped up and said, "Hey folks, I'm taking the night off to spend with my girlfriend/boyfriend."  Because, you know, we love one another and respect each other's emotional needs, and we both realize our relationship comes before our gaming.  Yes, even that epic hunter pet I've been camping forever is secondary to my relationship.  Sometimes.

Finally, the comments I see outside of communities dominated by women, these "jokes" are always aimed at women and how we're ruining the game for our significant others.  It's sexism at it's finest (or worst, depending on how you view it).  And the thing is, I know PainsofWarcraft doesn't mean to be sexist, and I know my male friends don't mean to come across as being annoyed their wives and girlfriends have the audacity to demand attention, but it doesn't change what it is and what it means to those of us who are women who enjoy this game.  We have the same struggles and we're tired of having our gender referred to as problematic or a hindrance to your playtime.

Like I said, I'm not exactly offended, which wouldn't be a bad thing if I was.  I'm more or less annoyed and rolling my eyes because this is the Meme That Never Dies, much like the old, "Go make me a sandwich!" insults.  After a few years, you'd think we'd get some fresh material to work with.  And also it's problematic in that the jokes seem to negate the fact that everyone in a relationship has a responsibility to make themselves available emotionally and physically to their significant others.

And if that's still a problem for you, maybe you should switch one stereotype for another.  Instead of being the beleaguered boyfriend or husband, maybe you should become the "Forever Alone" gamer who doesn't understand why the ladies aren't lining up to date him.